Musings of a housewife

Jinnah biography by Jaswant Singh

2012-02-03T01:53:00.005+05:00

I have just started reading Jaswant Singh's Jinnah biography - Jinnah India Partition Independence. The book caused a fair amount of controversy when it was published, especially in Indian. Jaswant Singh who was the Foreign Minister in the Vajpayee Government was expelled from the BJP (Right-wing Hindu nationalist party) for his positive portrayal of Jinnah and blaming Congress Party and Nehru in particular for the partition of the subcontinent.

The books is written in a scholarly style and can be a little drag if you are not used to such heavy reading. I will blog about the book as I read it, since I think it gives a great view point into the genesis for the idea of Pakistan. Never mind the fact that the present state of Pakistan is not the one that Jinnah had dreamed about.

The author initially traces the history of Islam in India. He makes no bones about the fact that Islam came to the subcontinent with the sword, but is quick to point out that Muslim civilizations have been not any different to any other invading civilizations.

I will write more about the book as I continue reading it.

Coup Rumors

2011-12-07T02:20:00.003+05:00

Coup rumors have been flying around in Islamabad today since the evening. It began after the news came out that the President is going to Dubai for extensive medical treatment. I think there is more to all this than meets the eye. One theory is that he has cut a deal and is easing his way out. The other is that he is being forced to resign. Whatever one might say about Zardari, one thing is for sure. Mr. Ten percent does not give up easily. If he is being forced to resign then the GHQ might have something very strong on him. This will not be good either for Pakistan or for democracy. Let's wait and see.

The Gang -

2011-12-02T20:01:00.001+05:00

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words!

NATO Stike on Pakistan Army

2011-11-28T08:26:00.001+05:00

Islamabad is seething with anger post NATO strike in Pakistan. This is not the first time that a Pakistani Military post has been targetting by the so called allied forces across the border and it won't be the last time either. Let's just be clear about this. This was an attack on Pakistan Army by NATO. All the excuses for the 'misunderstanding' is nothing but Bullshit. Just imagine if the same action had been under taken by the Indian forces!

What the GHQ in RawalPindi and political leadership in Islamabad has to realize is that this mess is entirely of their own making. Western powers are ruthless and brutal in the pusuit of their aims, where ever in the world the action may take place. Pakistan is stuck in this horrible situation due to the distastrous policies of its leaders - read Generals and their flawed 'Strategic depth' concept which has bled the country dry.

In my own humble opinion, this was a deliberate attack on Pakistani forces. It was a warning of future action which may take place inside of Pakistani tribal areas. The readers of my blog will be aware of my progressive views but I am very clear on sovereignty. I think no matter how flawed our country might be, but we are no Iraq or Afghanistan. It must crush the terrorist in its midst and stand up to the bully which is the USA.

Pakistan has numerous options available but it has to act with caution. For now it has closed the NATO supply lines and ordered the Americans to get out of the Shamsee Airbase. But these are short term measures. It has to get rid itself of American dependence and develop genuinely good relations with India. This is the only way that this country can progress. The coming days will be tough for Pakistan as America winds down its disastrous show in Afghanistan. It will be putting its blame on Pakistan and latter will have to suffer more.

Reboot?

2011-11-25T09:41:00.007+05:00

I am thinking of restarting the blog. The whole thing requires a level of commitment which at times has eluded me. I don't know if I have it in me to give the hobby its due attention. I am someone who always gives her hundred percent. Half measures do not go with me. I am eager to express myself because we live in such interesting times. This is why I am reaching out to my readers, no matter how limited to get their take on my 'rebooting' of the blog. I am in two minds about under taking such an exercise. The response from you guys may help me make up mind.

Hamid Mir - Embedded with the Taliban

2010-06-08T02:36:00.005+05:00

Ok - so the fat boy Hamid Mir was caught talking with the Punjabi Taliban. The tape was put on the internet for the world to hear. The voice was clearly of Hamid Mir whose views about the glorious Jihadists were perfectly clear for everyone to hear. His hatred filled speech about Ahmaids was a signal to the Taliban and what later transpired in the form of the brutal massacre of the Ahmadi community at their two mosques in Lahore is a stark reminder of how much of this hateful ideology has penetrated the Pakistani society. The outrageous thing is that no body has come forward to link Hamid Mir's taped conversation with Taliban to the attacks on Ahmadis. The feisty media of Pakistan has been all too quiet, trying to protect one of their own. You can even find people defending the journalistic 'duty' of Hamid Mir in the cyber space but in reality what you hear on the tape is a man of profound prejudices spewing hatred and colluding with anti-state elements by giving out what can classified as "State secrets" by letting the other side know about the impending time of the Pak Army's operation in North Wazirstan.

I can only hope that this man be held responsible but clearly he has powerful forces backing him. These are the forces that need to be neutralized if Pakistan is to emerge out of this hell storm. The root of terror does not lie either in Afghanistan or FATA, but rather in the minds of the Pakistani establishment which is the God father of these Jihaidists from the Taliban to LeT. Pakistan has today become the super Market for terror groups. Until and unless this cancer is tackled and removed nothing will come of this war on Terror. Duplicity when it comes to dealing with these terrorists - picking and choosing the good and bad guys will not do.

Swat terrorists are back!

2010-04-30T00:39:00.002+05:00

The Swat terrorists appear to be making a comeback. In the last few days. Since April 13, suspected Taliban have targeted and killed three anti-Taliban and pro-government locals. Although, the army operation was a success to the point that complete domination of the militants from Swat was eliminated, but key leaders such as Muslim Khan and Mehmood Khan arrested and wanted commanders such as Bakht Farzand, Sher Muhammad, Nisar Ahmed and Muhammad Alam killed. However, the most wanted of them all, Fazlullah, also known as ‘Mullah Radio’ is still at large. This low intensity insurgent acts of terror will continue and will spread to other parts of the country as long as the bankrupt notions of Strategic depth are pursued by the Military establishment.

PML-N playing the spoil sport

2010-03-31T00:30:00.002+05:00

Just when things were going well in the constitutional committee, the Pakistan political scene took a twist when the leader of the Muslim league – N decided to take a U turn on the issue of the constitutional amendments. The Nawaz league’s main reservation stems from its rigid stance on changing the name of the Frontier Province from NWFP to Pukhtoonkhwa. The ANP lead government of the frontier province has made it a part of its election to manifesto to bring out about this change. For this it has the support not only of the people of the province but of other major political parties as well. But some elements from within the PML-N, belonging to the frontier province are against it. They have managed to blackmail Nawaz Sharrif, which has brought the leader from Lahore under the national spot light for all the wrong reasons. Every major media outlet has been criticizing this move by Nawaz sharrif. Although, NS himself has shown some remnants of maturity during the last two years or so, his party remains the vanguard of the Zia era. Unless and until, PML-N sheds the baggage of the right wing agenda, it will continue to be part of the problem and not the solution.

Update

2010-03-26T02:45:00.001+05:00

I know that I have been away from the blog for a while. The chief reason was that my computer died and I am very picky about things, did not feel like using another computer live and record my secret cyber life. The update is that I did meet Mr. T and that happened as recently as last week. It was a nice date lunch at 11 am. We chose that time for obviously discretionary reasons. It was nice and polite. I am thinking about writing about that in detail. I was offered another meeting but for now I have not planned it. I need to think things through. More on that later.

His voice...

2010-03-05T04:49:00.000+05:00

I called him up and it was such a nice conversation. His voice has this trail of huskiness to it which without sounding too dramatic about it, kind of melts my heart away. He said all the right things. Things which I have always wished my husband would say. He said how he liked the mole on my face and how radiant my face was while I talked with him. He did not ask nor did he rush into a date. We talked for a while as I sort of told him about my issues and troubles at work. We kind of stayed away from the dangerous topics like family and spouses but near the end of the conversation I did ask him about his wife. He said that she is nice but too ‘self-absorbed’. Funny, this is how I would describe husband dear as well. After I put down the phone I noticed how happy and thrilled I felt. I realized that I had not spoken like this with anyone for some time now. This is dangerous stuff that I am getting into but it is so exciting. I told him not to call me, and I would contact him. I can’t wait for it.

Risk and Pleasure

2010-03-03T02:40:00.000+05:00

I came across him again suddenly. I remember mentioning Mr. T and my initial meeting with him. After that encounter, he sort of disappeared on me but I saw him back in my office today. He told me that he was out of the country because of business reasons and is now back. I was excited to see him and I think he could see that reaction on my face, but still I was very surprised when before leaving he dropped his business card and asked me to call him. I was taken aback by his rather bold move.

Now I am caught between pleasure and danger but don’t they complement each other in delicious ways but unfavorable consequences? Should I call him or not? Where am I going with this? What is going on here and what am I looking for exactly? All of this leaves me a bit confused….

Another Zardari About Turn

2010-02-18T01:22:00.002+05:00

Zardari government has again buckled under the pressure to withdraw the name of the judges. This is another about turn and was brought about by the wise Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gillani who clearly saw no advantage in continuing down the path of confrontation with the country’s judiciary. The incompetence of the Zardari government is pretty clear so is its poor judgment. Zardari clearly needs to learn the art of picking his battles more wisely. The people running the current government are not only corrupt but foolish as well and they are being opposed politically by another buffoon in the shape of Nawaz Sharrif. The PML-N league’s record is not great when it comes to Judiciary. The last time I checked the party to physically attack the Supreme Court was none other than PML-N. I always say to those who think that PML-N’s has changed its colors – wait till they run the government. The Media and the judiciary will both be hounded. Pakistan’s political parties have matured somewhat but they still have a way to go.

I hope that given its ascent in public opinion the judiciary would stick to its job in hand and work within the framework of its jurisdiction and not encroach into executive branch’s territory. We have a system which is working. The people running it are not by any stretch of imagination the brightest of Pakistan but it is still better than any benevolent dictatorship. One can only hope for its continued success.

Newly released World Trade Center 9/11 Photos

2010-02-11T20:27:00.005+05:00

It was a day which will live in infamy forever. A day that brought terror to the American homeland and shattered the myth of American invulnerability. The attack came not from a foreign army but a bunch of religious terrorists who at one time were America's allies in its fight against the communist Soviet Union. It was a classic case of boomerang.

September 11 changed our lives. It's impact on Pakistan was huge and the repercussions are being felt even today. History was made and I fear that historians will remember this day when the world took a turn for the worst.

These recently released classified photos show the magnitude of the attack. The pictures were taken from a police helicopter near the burning twin towers.

The French folly

2010-01-29T20:30:00.002+05:00

The French President Mr. Sarkozi has unleashed an unnecessary debate about French identity and its relationship with the Muslim population prior to the regional elections. Muslim-bashing has been a potent vote-getter for French far-right politicians, most notably Jean-Marie Le Pen. It seems like the current government is trying to cater to the right wing members of the society by promoting hatred. The a French parliamentary panel recommends barring women who wear the burqa and the niqab from using public services, including schools, hospitals and public transportation. The Muslim head scarves have been banned from public school classrooms since 2004.

I am myself against the veil and the niqab. I don’t see it as representing the religion. It is more of a cultural off shoot in backward and closed societies such as those of Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. But the state has no business telling its citizens what to wear. It is a matter of strict individual preference. People must be free to make these decisions for themselves, not have them imposed by governments or enforced by the police. These kind of rulings only increase Muslim phobia in Europe and serve the propaganda purposes of the extremists in the Islamic world.

For the sake of children

2010-01-22T03:08:00.000+05:00

Parents can be such a drag especially of unhappy families. I know that i have written about this before but this is something which has impacted my life in such a massive way that i cannot help but talk about it. The after affects of my parents' marriage have reverberated all throughout my childhood into my married life. I think some people are just not meant to be together but in our society, especially of our parents generation divorce was a social taboo. So these complete opposites would stick together 'for the sake of children' and in the process play havoc with the emotional state of being of their children. I think bad marriages especially the arranged ones coupled with the social stigma of divorce create the perfect environment for emotionally damaged children. It says a lot about our society and our self-destructive social mores.

Moving off?

2010-01-13T22:56:00.001+05:00

I have been thinking of of moving, relocating, immigrating. I know that we have a pretty comfortable and rather luxurious life here in Pakistan but the thought of restarting at a new place seems like such an exciting idea. With the way the security situation has been in Pakistan recently, even husband dear has been thinking about moving abroad. I have tried to talk to him but his arguments are the usual - "We are settled in here pretty well. What will we do if we move? And move to where... Canada? Do you know that place is a frozen depressing nightmare?" To be honest, his arguments do make some sense and i would never want to be without a sense of blogging which one gets by living in their own country. Still, I wonder and dream about how different life would be if we moved away. But for now I can think and dream about it.

Best essays of 2009

2010-01-09T02:34:00.005+05:00

Anyone who is a news junkie like myself and especially of the opinion pieces will really like the following Best of the year essays. The post is by David Brooks the New York Times Columanist.

I really liked the piece by David Rohde where he writes about his captivity under the Taliban.

Some of the other articles are about the Health care reform, the financial crisis which brough down the entire financial sector last year and a write up about the glorious past of Central Asia.

Read and reflect!

Last night

2010-01-07T22:11:00.000+05:00

I felt tired today. I was up last night and had to 'cater' to the desires of the husband who was in the mood for fun. It was made better by the fact that i was thinking of Mr. T while feeling the softness of the bedsheets with my feet. The guilty pleasure was great and its even fun writing about it and sharing it with you guys out in the cyber space. I don't know if there are taboos about writing in regards to martial sex but i don't see the harm in sharing about the fun. I know that i am not trying to be Nancy Friday here but i wonder why it is difficult for women to write about legitimate sex? My husband dear is a moody guy and when he is in the mood than we have quite a lot of fun even if its disproportionally biased towards his pleasure seeking. I enjoyed it and had a great night sleep, while i thought of the hairy chest of Mr. T. Oooh.

Mr. T

2010-01-04T01:39:00.000+05:00

I have really not been feeling great. Its one of those days. Since i have started working, Monday is always the hardest. I am an extremely moody person and today typified it in the best way. I think i put some people off with my behavior today. Sometimes, I feel like i hate people or at least their presence. Maybe, i have become anti-social. I don't know.

I was in my office today and this client came in. He was in his late 30s, very good looking. He needed some assistance and we talked for a while. I could see that he was hitting on me. It was not very deliberate but the hints were there. I kept adjusting my duppatta, hopefully not too much. But he excited me. His work was done and he will need to come again. Although, he did ask for my card before leaving. Let's see if anything happens.

Year in review - Personal and National

2009-12-31T02:13:00.000+05:00

This has been quite a year. The bombshell was finding out about the affair that my husband was having. That news really shook up my universe and the readers of the blog got to read about it as well. I got so many comforting messages from all over the cyber space. It was than that i realized the true value of this blog. Virtual support that felt so real and whose impact on my real life was so strong. Thanks to everyone on that!

This year, I also started this new job which has been quite a pleasant change in my life. Also, I have been writing a bit of fiction as well. But as my nature goes, i tend to shift to more erotic and sensual topics. I don't know if this would be the place to share those stories. I will think more about that. Just thinking if my social circle ever finds out about this blog - they would be scandalized to say the least!

At the end of the last year i wrote that 2008 has been a year of stability. I had found a part time job at a NGO. I had also met R and there was fun and lust along with some danger. This year, things got really tricky but the moment the summer ended, things started getting better. I have been reading and taking evening walks, which has given me some discipline and sense of accomplishment in my life. My main issue has been to keep my restive nature in check - i always need one thing or the other to keep my mind going otherwise i start to feel bored and depressed.

As a nation, we had one of the worst years ever. More than 500 bombs rocked the state! Just imagine that happening in a western nation. The people have bled and have been torn to pieces by the menace of the suicide bombings. No place has been safe. Even the GHQ was attacked. Swat was lost and than retaken in a successful military operation with minimum of civilian casualties. But the resilience of the people through all this has been amazing. Pakistan may have its faults and flaws but the will and resilience of the people is not one of them.

Here is a prediction for 2010: Things will get worse before they get better and the longer the Americans stay in this region the more bloodshed Pakistan will experience. But a democratic Pakistan will emerge through this much stronger and confident of itself.

Karachi takes a hit

2009-12-28T22:41:00.004+05:00

The suicide blast has hit Karachi. The latest latest blast to hit the city only shows the precarious situation. The lunatics of Al-Qaeeda are targeting the Shites to bring about a clash between the sects and ensue chaos. How long will this blood bath continue while the politicians and the establishment fight over petty issues? There should be accountability of the Army's current operation in South Wazirstan. Clearly, the terrorists are running away from there and moving on to other agencies which were not part of the operation. ANP has already signalled its displeasure with the modus operandi of the current operation.

I wonder how much worse will it get before it gets any better. I actually see things getting bad in 2010. The bottom line is this: Unless and until the establishment firmly decides to change its policy in Afghanistan and India and stop supporting the Jiahdi organizations , this will continue and get even worse because when you play with fire eventually you will get burnt!

The Angry Woman

2009-12-27T23:03:00.000+05:00

Fozia Wahab is a character and i mean that in a positive way. She does come out as rough around the edges at times but women in politics in a Pakistani society need to have such firebrand qualities. At times, she has sounded very angry and bellicose on verious talkshows - the word "indiginifed" was used for her by PPP opponents. But i have met her on a couple of occassions and she is a woman with a pretty good intellect. I am only writing this becuase i met her a few weeks back at the dinner hosted by Salman Taseer, the flamboyant governor of Lahore. She is the kind of women we need to stop the fundo leaning PML(N) guys.

Although, the recent incident of Fozia Wahab' son sending life threating messages to the Journalist Ansar Abbasi is somethign which she would like to forget. Everyone knows that Ansar Abbasi is a 'lifafa' journalist. He is very much on the establishment payroll but having said that we should defend his right to free speech. Wish Fozia all the best in the future.

Zardari Under Fire

2009-12-23T03:31:00.005+05:00

Judging from the media coverage of the NRO one would think that Zardari is the sole beneficiary of the evil deal. Nothing could be further from the truth but the media clearly loves to hate the man. Zardari didn't help himself either by making one bad decision after another.

When he got the Presidency, he clearly had the good will of the people, opposition and the media at large behind him but he has consistently lost that ground due to some very dubious decisions. His PR machine is pathetic to say the least but the man who is famous for buying off his enemies and friends alike is clearly struggling here. Today he is at loggerheads with Nawaz Sharrif, MQM and the Army. This decline has been brought about by arrogance, petty ego and sheer stupidity.

He made a mess of the judges restoration issue, his flip flops on promises to NS and N league are by now world famous. In all fairness, he very much deserves what is coming his way but the causality will not be Zardari who will quietly shoot off to foreign shores to live the life of comfort and luxury. The ultimate causality will be the system for which his wife paid the price with her life. The media has to hold back the horses and not gleefully look to Zardari's demise. This is a difficult transition that we are making after 9 years of military rule. It will not be easy. Zardari certainly has not made things easier but the times call for calmer heads.It will take the Pakistani nation time to calm down and adapt this new democratic system with all its inherent flaws because there is not other choice.

Update

2009-12-23T03:17:00.003+05:00

I know i have been neglecting this blog so here is an update as we come closer to saying goodbye to 2009. I have started a nice job, which requires a lot of work. I know that i don't have to work (God knows howmany times i was reminded of this by hubby dear) but playing housewife was really boring me to death. And in these times when the country is going through so much, i wanted to get out and check out the real world through the eyes of an ordinary citizen and not through dinner parties thrown by political and social elites.

The job has been pretty good. It has given me a purpose and an order to my life. Husband is ok with it. Predictably, the in-laws were not overjoyed to learn of their daughter in-law's decision to step outside of the house but clearly times have changed even for a 'self-respected feudal family.'

Also, just to confess to people here. I have been pretty sober and i have not had any physical contact with R. He has tried contacting me during the last weeks but i keep postponing it. Maybe its guilt or maybe its fear but for now i remain committed to being 'shareef' - whatever that may mean. God knows how needy i get at times but i know that i have to be careful.

So, this was a basic run down on my life. Will try to be more regular in my posts from now on but as you know i have not been the one to keep my promises.

Such is Life

2009-10-24T11:48:00.002+06:00

Isn't it so ironic that the people that we love so much, such as our parents end up hurting us the most. Sometimes, I have no idea as to the kind of things my mother says or is capable of saying when she is in a bitter and angry mood. It is horrific and my mind just boggles and when she says these things to me. I just freak out with extreme anger and frustration. I just lose my cool, as they say. I feel guilty after my outburst but than I end up blaming her for the many wrongs in my life. Mother is such a disaster as a person - a failed marriage and a list of other disastrous relationships has left her even more angry. Maybe, I should be more careful in my interactions with her. I do lose my patience with her unnecessarily but than she can be very frustrating.

You love your parents and you are at their mercy since they are the ones who bring you into this world and their upbringing has a major impact on the kind of a person you end up to be. Being a parents is not an easy job at all, and you can never question a parent's sincerity to his or her child. I think somethings are just too subtle and unclear. Like most things in life, most of the important stuff happens without us ever being conscious of it. Therefore, the most important denominator in all of this becomes: your habits! Your habits are sort of the basic blueprint for your daily living. Habits are determined by many things but one of the chief ingredient has to be your conditioning as a child. Most of us are not very self aware and we end up teaching our kids things that we maybe would not want to pass on. But such is life and the beauty or rather the tragedy of human relationships.

To be or not to be!

2009-10-22T07:24:00.001+06:00

Me and R talk almost every other day, even if its for a few minutes over the phone. There is a bit of feigned shyness on my part and cajoling on his part to convince me of a meeting with him. I am caught up between my desire and reality. I know that what i am doing is risky and not easy. It is fraught with dangers but I have arrived at such a point in my life where i do not really care about consequences. I want the intimacy and I want the flesh on flesh sensation. I am eager and young and he shows me smoothly and at times a bit strongly how luscious and needy i am. The satisfaction is immense. There are hardly any words to describe that, if I try to explain I might end up getting slapped for adult writing. But please sure is pleasure. I am thrilled by the fact that R finds me so hot, keeping in mind that he has a very beautiful wife. I know it is selfish and wrong, especially to his young wife but the pleasures of the flesh are such. Even if it is a sin, what a delicious sin it is!

Anyways, I have still not made up my mind of meeting him on Friday. He wants at least a date. I will have to pick a restaurant and maybe tease him over and take things from over there.

The Introvert

2009-10-19T06:11:00.001+06:00

Back from Frontier. We stayed in Abbottabad, where the military run schools have been closed due to the fear of kidnappings by the Taliban. It was a nice 'trip.' Maybe i will write more about it later.

For whatever it is worth, I have only realized now how much of an introvert i am. I think it is probably more than that. Curious at my unease in social occasions and amongst group of people, I did a quick google search about these kinds of symptoms. Interestingly, it turns out that i am inflicted with a mild form Social anxiety. I was rather relieved to learn that it is pretty normal to have such a disorder and that there are number of people who suffer from the same thing. I think this is the reason which sort of drives me underground, so to speak. Underground from the normalcy of life. I hate those regular meetings at the social club, where all the women gossip like they have nothing better to do. But than maybe i also resent them for their ability to adjust. I can fake comfort in their world, but i feel like an outcast from the esteem. I live in my own little world and it suits me better.

I am seeing him again. We just met for a cup of tea and it was nice chatting with him. He said that he 'wants me,' which is a signal for a more intimate meeting. I want it to but for now i am hesitant and will resist his urges the temptations and the desire take over.

The Final Push

2009-10-17T13:08:00.000+06:00

I have been away for sometime and was not able to update my blog for sometime. My apoligies for the absence and the many emails that i have received from everyone. I am in NWFP, will not name the town for now and i can tell you that th situation especially in the tribal agencies is war like. I can hear the Cobra helicopters circling above me as i write this.

Just wanted to let everyone know, that the Pak Army assault on S.Wazirstan commenced about 8 minutes back. I have a relative serving there so i hope that everything goes smoothly and our troops are protected from these killers and barbarians. These are very tough times for our nation compounded by some very inept leadership and multitude of enemies. Once can only hope and pray that Pakistan and Pakistanis show the historic resilience that they have always shown in their chaotic history. Even for a liberal like me, one thing is clear: US must get out of Afghanistan ASAP, otherwise their sheer presence will only continue to destabilize Pakistan.

Will continue to write and update.

2009-08-19T21:32:00.001+06:00

It is said that never to trust a person who prays in public and to this I may add - Never trust a person who wears religion on his sleeve or on his face. Post 9/11 and the resulting religious fervor and the Taliban onslaught has increased the bearded ones in the land of pure manifold. I wonder how much all of that hirsute make over by the male gender has affected the revenues of the manufacturers of the Shaving products. But that is a separate issue but worth thinking about for those in the related industries.

On a personal level, I recently came across a gentleman who was seemingly very cultured and educated. I tried not to stereotype him even with a full flowing beard. Yet, despite all his pious appearance he could not help himself being 'tempted' by me. I think the very act of me indulging in a cultured/political conversation with him somehow lead him to believe that I may be open to his flirtation. Men with religious, dogmatic political/social views of the Jamaati type tend to believe that women who are intelligent and can argue with a man by looking him in the eye are somehow whores or at best 'lose character.' What disgusted me was the sheer hypocrisy of it all. He was trying to conceal it with the garb of religion. I do not mind if men try to flirt with me but this coming from a man who believes that women should be limited to the confines of her house and should literally take the word of her husband as the very words of the Caliph himself just pissed me off. I gave it to him and he was simply stunned if not ashamed.

Munawwar Hassan of JI declares Baitullah Mehsud a ‘Shaeed'

2009-08-18T21:17:00.002+06:00

Few days back Jamat e Islami ameer Munawwar Hassan of JI declared Baitullah Mehsud a ‘Shaeed’ on a live TV show.The worst enemy of Pakistan, an infidel of humanity who killed hundreds of innocent Pakistanis, waged a war against the state of Pakistan and is most probably responsible for the assassination of its former Prime minister is a Shaheed for JI. The few liberal elements in the media such as yourself need to pick this up in the media and take on the hate preachers - JI. If this is not an act of treason than i don't know what is.

http://express.com.pk/epaper/PoPupwindow.aspx?newsID=1100693590&Issue=NP_KHI&Date=20090816

14th August

2009-08-14T21:07:00.001+06:00

Things have changed since i last made a detailed entry on this blog. They have changed for the better both on a personal as well as on the national level. There will be upheavals, such is life but as long as major tragedies are avoided, once can claim to have lived a decent life.

So another 14th August is up on us. Despite everything, including the never ending load shedding routine and big and small political scandals - things have gotten better over the past year. The democracy experiment in Pakistan continues despite its many flaws but it is the only system that this country needs and the only one that can work in the long run.

To all those naysayers and the predictors of gloom one must point them to the successes of the Military in Swat and Malakand. Just three months back the Taliban were on the verge of entering Islamabad or at least had a substantial hold in the Frontier province. The success of the military has been remarkable. Just compare it to the efforts of much more technological advanced Armies in the neighbouring Afghanistan. Yet, we have hardly heard any words of praise or jubilation from our so called intelligentsia.

Today Pakistan has a feisty press which is a constant thorn in the side of corrupt politicians and imbecile government officials. The Judiciary is free and is playing an active role as a pillar of the state. Both these institutions have gained strength over the course of the year and they keep the executive and legislative branch on their toes. Clearly progress has been made. We just need to stick to our guns and let this system work. We have the capability, we just need belief in ourselves.

Azadi Mubarik

2009-08-14T01:07:00.000+06:00

To everyone everywhere. Cherish it with all that you have.

Status Quo

2009-07-08T00:44:00.000+06:00

Things have been much better at home. They always are when the status quo is maintained and the position of the other party is not affected. Marriage is very much like a war. Like they say - Marriage is the only instance where you get to sleep with the enemy. I don't feel ranting more about this. This is perhaps the most 'public' I have ever been about my private life. The comments and some of the emails were very strong. I do not resent any sharp messages or comments. I know they were meant in good faith. I would only say that the situation in which i find myself is not an easy one and criticism to many comes very easily. Also, thanks to complete strangers who sent me such supportive messages - you guys are no more strangers to me.

Maybe now i will write about something else. I don't know, let's see...

The Aftermath

2009-07-06T07:58:00.001+06:00

The weekend was quiet. I was tired, correction - I am tired! I did not countered him after his disclosure to me. As expected his mood gradually turned from being hostile on Wednesday to being mildly cold today. He knows that he has told me the ultimate and there is nothing that i can do about it. He did try to talk to me and i could see that he was trying to mend things, but i have been reserve with him. Still have some dignity left in me, if not strength.

Let the days go by and things cool. I don't think that he will be marrying her, whoever she is. I am pretty sure of this now. I guess i don't care if he keeps on sleeping with her. I must switch my priorities. I have always been practical if not wise. Whatever may come but having another woman in this house will be my complete defeat and that i must avoid that at all costs. The emotional upheaval was strong but i must get over it and gather my strength and be strong.

Surviving

2009-07-02T20:36:00.001+06:00

The storm when it comes is strong and fierce but nothing in this world is more powerful than the human will power. History is witness to the fact that humans are by default the most adaptable creatures - they have survived where others have fallen by the side. Today, we carry the same genes or survival.

I write this to motivate myself, to give things a perspective and to stay in this battle. I guess after the initial shock wears off i would work on my strategy. He has mellowed down from his threats since his disclosure. He knows that his family will give him hell if he goes for the second marriage. I don't intend to seek divorce if he doesn't marry that woman but for now i am just being very defiant. I don't want to drag myself into court rooms. He can be a very mean person and with his powerful resources can make things very difficult for me. I know that he will not want the divorce as it will hurt his ambitions in society. I am hurt and i want to give it back to him, but i cannot at least not now. I feel helpless and that makes me feel incomplete.

The Last Straw

2009-07-01T01:54:00.001+06:00

The last few days have been pretty tough for me. It is one thing to know that your unfaithful husband is having an affair, quite another to find out that once he is confronted about it he gladly acknowledges and even goes to the extent of saying that he is most probably looking to marry that slut. This deep seated fear was in the back of mind. I was expecting it - like you tend to expect the worst in life and especially the worst from people but the emotional fall out has been very severe on me. I am not so weak enough to go into a nervous break down, but still i am jilted and shaken.

I felt like sharing this with everyone on the blog instead of just emailing some friends about it. I want it to be part of my history!

Pakistan comes first!

2009-06-03T22:30:00.004+06:00

I wanted to share this excellent article that i came across on the Pak tea house. It goes to the root of the problem that we are facing today. Let's face it. We Pakistanis are insecure when it comes to the knowledge about our religion. We are not like Iranians who have for better or for worse a much better understanding of their religion. This is one reason where gangsters parading themselves as religious zealots, read Taliban and their ilk seem to get away with anything just because they use the name of religion. At the end of the day, we desperately need to find our nationalism and define it not by using the cloak of religion but by being confident about our nationality and what it means to be a Pakistani.

Summer

2009-05-29T21:01:00.000+06:00

The summer is here. Its hot and the load shedding is raging on us with full flow. I can go on about how pathetic the governments have been over the years and how the power sector has been neglected but somethings are not just worth even talking about. Good Governance my foot, we can't even have basic necessities of life.

Work is so and so. I have not received a raise and it will be a year on June 1st. Money is an issue and it makes u feel good even though i may not need the money in financial sense as much as to prove my worth to the work place. I was never the type to enjoy the pleasures of work. The problem with me is that i get bored very easily and i need to be active and mentally involved most of the time. Life at times seem to be a struggle for me, still i am thankful to the almighty for all his blessings. It could always be worse!

My focus is to learn the skills and than move on to something better. I work not out of necessity but to prove to myself and others around me that i am not dependent on anybody even if its a token gesture i am sure that it makes the point in the relevant quarters!

Things are better with Husband as well as long as i follow his dictates, he is fine with it. Men are by nature dominating and the kind we have in our country love to treat their wives as their personal properties. It is frustrating but i have learned to get my revenge in other ways. I do get my revenge in other ways by flirting with other men who seem to like my looks more than anything. It is a thrill ride and i enjoy every bit of it. Is it a fair way to pay back? I don't know and i don't care.

Venturing out

2009-05-22T19:43:00.001+06:00

This is an update for you guys. My husband who had inherited some property from his father including several acres of a farm in Southern Punjab, near Bhalwalpur has decided to spend more time over there. I visited the farm this week with him. Despite the heat the place is a world to its own with with its rows and rows of orchard fields. The house is large but needs renovation and husband dear has started the renovation process. The best thing about a place such as this is the quietness and serenity of the place. we would be coming here often and i would look forward to it.

The family is greatly respected there, the poor peasants who work here depend on the landlords for everything. Despite everything, my husband is kind with the peasants but it is still sad to see such dominance of one person over another. We really need the land reforms. Z A Bhutto had an excellent chance in the 70s to fulfill his pledge but sadly that was another case of miss opportunity but than we were wrong to expect such from a feudal.

Now i am back in the city with the country at war. A war that now really needs to be won.

Calling out to Everyone

2009-05-19T02:35:00.002+06:00

I am not good at making pleas so I will spell this one out short and simple.

The mass migration of 1.5 million (and counting) people from Swat, Dir and Bajaur in Pakistan due to the ongoing war between the 'militants' and Pakistan army marks a humanitarian crisis. You can donate a dollar to a few to give hope to those who suffer at the doorstep of an ideological war on terror that has consumed many a households and continues to haunt many of us. The war might not be at your doorstep but those suffering are humans just like you and me and deserve better than sitting out under the sun with little water and food, let alone medical aid or any semblence of accomodation.

Help!

You can donate through the following link.
http://www.unhcr.org/emergency/pakistan/global_landing.html

Thank you.

Zardari in USA - by Mustafa

2009-05-14T20:26:00.002+06:00

Afghanistan, Pakistan and USA are inextricably linked as far as their national security is concerned vis-a-vis the threat and plague of terrorism. Karzai's and Zardaari's visit had only one objective. To help President Obama sell to the US Congress and US Citizens why the US Administration is committing so many soldiers as well as resources in that far away part of the world. The latest funding proposals by the Obama Administration, making their way through Congress allocate more $ to Pakistan than to either Iraq or Afghanistan. President Obama's explanation on why is instructive and interesting and I quote "The United States has a stake in the future of these two countries .... we have learned time and again that our security is shared ... we meet today as three sovereign nations joined in a common goal ..... to disrupt, dismantle and defeat Al Qaeda and its extremist allies in Pakistan (he pronounces our country's name nearly perfectly -- the first for any US President) and Afghanistan and to prevent their ability to operate in either of these countries in the future". A more articulate expression of US interests I have not read and I as a US Citizen of Pakistani origin applaud this objective.

One thing that this summit hopefully achieved is to bring Pakistan and Afghanistan together. Both these countries have for many months now blamed each other for the terrorism and insurgent problems that they both share. This summit comes as a critical juncture for Pakistan. I worry that Pakistan is close to falling apart. Swathes of my beloved country have fallen into the hands of the Talebaan. I worry that the dozens of nuclear weapons will fall into the wrong hands. We are running out of time and we need to deploy all available human and financial resources in fighting this cancer. Military and civilian aid from USA will come in most handy at this time and we should milk this cow for all that it is worth.

My concern remains the competence and far sightedness of our politicians and whether our "jiyaalaas" in the Army have the stomach for a long, protracted and vicious fight with the Talebaan. Based on past experiences, this is a potent recipe for failure and disaster. Zardari is a playboy whose corruption has earned him the nickname os Mr. 10 percent. The last time we had a playboy in power i.e. Yahya Khan, we lost half the country. His principal rival, Nawaz Sharif is more religious right wing than secular in his outlook and is stupid to boot. He could easily (as he has done in the past) miscalculate and believe that he could take his chances by sharing power with the Talebaan. He may therefore offer less than 100 % support to the current fight to eradicate them. And then finally, we have the army, infiltrated to the core (a Zia legacy) with Islamic fundamentalists. I would not be surprised if one of the corps commanders were to launch a coup and then invite the Talebaan in. We have a hurricane flowing in and our house might indeed be a pack of cards.

Back the boys!

2009-05-12T02:40:00.003+06:00

According to the Army around 200 Taliban have been killed during the last 24 hours. This is certainly good news. We need to eliminate as many of them as possible. ISI can be used to sow chaos in the ranks of these Jihadis and criminals while the SSG can be used at it was used in the lower Dir operation to take out the leadership of the Taliban.

But for the ultimate success of this operation, the support of the major political parties is needed. I remember writing hopeful stuff about Nawaz Sharrif earlier on during the movement for the restoration of the judiciary. But i have been proven wrong. He remains a dour leader with right wing leanings. Journalists often remark that prior to giving out any kind of interview, Mian sahib puts in the condition that no questions be asked about the Taliban. Why is his party not supporting the army operating whole heartedly? Maybe because he is a closet Fundo - an apologist for the Taliban. Or maybe he still has the beef with the Army going back to the October coup of 1999? For him and his like this operation is out of necessity. They do not recognize people like Sufi Muhammad as extremists. At the most these are just misguided souls.

The liberal minority of Pakistan will have to get themselves organized. The only party which has been the most vocal about the rise of the Taliban has been MQM. MQM needs to shed its ethnic baggage and it may find that it has some support in the heart of Punjab.

For now we have to back our men in Khakki who are putting their lives at risk against an enemy not only of this state but also of it's official religion.

The War is on

2009-05-07T20:37:00.003+06:00

The battle is on for the soul of Pakistan. Muslims of the subcontinent have been practicing their faith for centuries and now comes Taliban with their monstrously altered version of Islam. They must be stopped and they must be defeated Militarily. The operation against the Taliban has begun in Swat. It will be bloody and messy and the only solution is a complete and decisive victory which crushes these renegades and imposes the writ of the state in a manner that scares the hell out of any future adventurers. This can only come about when the Military feels that it has the effective backing of the entire nation and the political class. My own sources tell me that Army was reluctant to start the operation mainly because of the bitter lessons it learned from the Laal Masjid/Red mosque operation. The seminary was destroyed and the terrorists were killed but the blow back has haunted the army to the present day. Propaganda was drummed up by the religious/ right wing parties parties which accused the army of killing innocents. The suicide bombings after the operation went through the roof.

Taliban terrorists use religion to justify just about anything and they seem to have been getting away with it. This is an old story in Pakistan where first the clergy and than the establishment used and abused religion to gain political mileage. The Taliban represent the final and extreme product of using such a strategy. Taliban must be crushed and their clean shave sympathizers must be silenced with an effective media campaign.

It is time for the powerful media and the civil society to come out on the streets against such extremism and support the army full heartily. The army and the Frontier Corps need to feel the backing of the nation when they take on these fascists.

Memories

2009-05-06T20:20:00.002+06:00

I walk outside to the office hallway and i see the grey skies filled with the promise of the summer rain. Somehow they evoke a feeling of nostalgia in me..A nostalgia of the years gone by.The summer heat, the school vacations, monsoon rains, the husky voice of Bryan Adams playing on my Walkman and the Cranberries. I guess the Pakistan of my childhood has changed. Memories are what we are all left with in the end.They make me happy even if it is for a while, I never had any real happiness in childhood. It's a not a note of self-pity but merely a fact. I think about life as a charge of happiness runs through me. But i am always afraid of being too happy - sensing a disappointment just a moment away. happiness that is stifled by others, choked by the limitations of a hypocritical society. This was just an emotional outburst.

Ahh... Recession

2009-05-04T22:16:00.002+06:00

Update from Dubai

2009-04-30T19:40:00.002+06:00

This is a blog update from Dubai, UAE. I have been visiting the Arab Emirates since the last week with my husband who is here for a business venture. Things have changed a lot since i was here last time around. The global financial crisis has brought the tax free haven to it's knees. Dubai has been hit really hard by the present financial crisis. The real state boom is dead with a bang - the remnants of which can be found at the airport car park. The parking lot is littered with luxury vehicles from the Mercedes to the Bentleys, which have been left behind by their defaulting owners. Most of the foreigners took off when they lost their jobs, fearing that they might not be able to pay the loans on their credit cards and mortgages. This run off was caused by the UAE laws which basically jail people for not paying off their debts. Still, i am sure that because of the investment that was made in the services sector, this tiny city state will bounce back. I am a believer in globalization, whose merits in my humble opinion overwhelm the ills.

Looks like plenty is going on at home. Will write more when i get back. Also, thanks to all of you who have been emailing me. It's pretty flattering to know that i have a pretty good following.

To friends

2009-04-16T01:23:00.002+06:00

I feel anxious, worried, cornered, insecure and lonely. There are people around me - loved ones whose presence should not make me feel like this but i can't help it. I just can't. I just feel that writing these words on this blog and sharing my self to the eyes and minds of strangers would somehow soothe me and it does. So thanks to the audience here. It is not easy for a woman to bare her soul and talk about things and issues which are difficult to talk with even amongst the best of friends.

I fail to understand myself at times. My life is littered with the wrong choices. My emotional and sensitive nature only makes things difficult for me. The sensual and licentious part in me evokes much wilder emotions. The latter only adds to the sexual frustration and general dissatisfaction with life. The fire of lust rages in me and makes me want to step into the forbidden - a line which i have crossed by now yet want to indulge in more. Perhaps, giving in to the delicious temptation is my sin. I know that it is very important to be grateful for what one has but at the same time too much of it could kill the ambition whether in bed or otherwise.

Anyways, this entry is dedicated to all of my readers - strangers and friends.

Reflection of our mindset

2009-04-14T00:37:00.001+05:00

I am sick and tired of the double standards of our society. The problem that Pakistan is facing today is a product of our own making. Way before the Americans entered Afghanistan post 9/11 we were in a state of mini civil war b/w the Shites and the Sunnis. We have such short memories, remember how the rage in the 90s was the mowing down of namazis through AK-47s as they prayed at various mosques? Stop blaming others for what ails our society.

Secondly, there is no need to take a massive operation in Swat and FATA. Simply, because different surveys have spelled out clearly that fanatics do not have the support of the local population. In fact the biggest disappointment for the people of Swat has been the lackluster attitude of the army towards the Taliban. It is time that our well fed army does some good. It is very well within it's capacity to take out these so-called miscreants. The truth is that we do not want to acknowledge these maniacs because they are a reflection of our society and our highly prejudiced mindsets.

Just a job?

2009-04-10T01:34:00.001+05:00

My job is getting frustrating day by day. I didn't even need to work when i started but now it has become a part of me. It's sort of my identity, something different from my life other than a dumbed out housewife. I am still eager to please like i have been all my life in all my other relationships. I have been very competitive in my job and have worked very hard to establish myself here. I did recognize that i did not have a job experience prior to coming over here and with that in mind i put in extra effort so that after the probation time period my efforts would be recognized. I was promised initially a review meeting after the end of the first 3 months. It's been more than 5 now and the higher ups keep delaying it. All i seek is a better position, not even a high pay. They know that i am not working for money. I am just sick of it, but than maybe they have recognized the weakness that i have for this job.

I am especially mad at my VP, who is a egoistic bitch. She has nothing better to do in her life than to make sure that everyone else is feeling lousy. i did not want to write about work earlier on but now i feel the urge to express my frustration.

The fascist Taliban

2009-04-02T20:39:00.003+05:00

The cruelty and barbarity of the Taliban has forced the state into submission. The deal with the Taliban in Swat remains in place uptill now - which has brought some respite for the citizens of that beleaguered area. but the Taliban is just buying time before they unleash and expand into other areas of Pakistan. This is very much the quiet before an impending storm of cruelty.

The media coverage has been topsy turvy regarding the Swat debacle especially in the western press. The following articles by Rahmillullah Yusufzai, Kamran Arif and Manzoor Ali which i found through the excellent Pakistan tea House blog - give much needed insight into the cause and effect of the Swat tragedy. Read and reflect!

Disarray

2009-04-01T01:26:00.006+05:00

The Lahore attack aftermath shows all the signs of a government in total disarray. Two days have passed and yet scant little is known about the attack that took place. It just goes to show the dismal state of affairs. The officials have not stopped being casual about these attacks which are now occurring on a more routine basis. It almost seems like they are getting used to the whole idea.

We still do not know how many militants stormed the Manawan academy, how many were killed, whether they took police recruits hostage, or whether they wore police uniforms.

A local television channel reported a construction worker present near the academy just before the attack told the channel he saw five men wearing backpacks disembark from a white pickup truck in front of the academy's main gate and scale its walls "commando-style"There is confusion about how many attackers were involved, how many were killed and did anyone of them manage to escape. So, while four or five attackers came in from the front, did others scale the back wall and join up with their comrades in the central building area where the main drama unfolded?

Officials from the head of the interior ministry and the army spokesman to the provincial police chief failed to clear this up. They did not even agree on how many attackers had been killed. While interior ministry official Rehman Malik said that three attackers "blew themselves up", an army official at the scene told newsmen that "four attackers have been killed". This is lackluster and pathetic!

Did the fourth attacker also blow himself up, or was he shot? If this is the case than where is the body? The number of injured varies as well. All of this give credence to the conspiracy theories doing the rounds. One of the more popular theories out there is that this apparent nonchalance is largely due to the continued interest of some sections in its powerful defence establishment to keep the militants afloat. I am myself is starting to believe some of those theories.

Another attack!

2009-03-30T20:05:00.001+05:00

Another attack in the heart of Lahore, this time on a Police academy. The aim of the attack was clearly to undermine the security apparatus of the country and thereby weaken the state. This is the second attack in Lahore after the commando style attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team bus in Liberty square. It could very well be the case that personnel involved in the police academy attack were the same people who were involved in the Liberty square operation since all of them had managed to escape after the raid.

I have no doubt that Pakistan is suffering the blow back for its Jihadi operations in India and Kashmir. It is very much the case of Chickens coming home to roost. Having said that, it is no coincidence that attacks of such magnitude and ferocity especially in Punjab have kicked up after the Mumbai attacks. I know from my own sources that Pakistani officials were expecting the Indians to vent out their anger and frustration after the Mumabi attacks. They are clearly using the Afghan base to give Pakistan some taste of its own medicine.

The silver lining is the security operation which managed to kill and capture these battle hardened terrorists. I hope that we get some real intelligence from the captured ones. Another positive thing to see was the attitude of the people - Lahorites are known for this - the way they cheer leaded especially when the army came into the scene was very heart warming. They shouted slogans vowing to kill the attackers and praising the security forces. The reaction was spontaneous and goes to show that it needs to be channeled in the right direction to identify the nemesis of the Pakistani state - the Islamist terrorists.

Nawaz Sharif - A Make over?

2009-03-23T19:24:00.002+05:00

Nawaz Sharif is Pakistan's most popular leader today. The long march only confirmed this, yet he has restrained himself from launching an all out attack against the Zardari government. He has become somewhat of a better speaker after his years in exile and seems to be genuinely interested in making this system work. He was a protege of Zia Ul Haq, just as Zulifqar Ali Bhutto was Ayub Khan's. He worked extensively in the 90s to under mine the PPP governments, but his ouster and exile by the army when the was the PM made him realize the futility of doing deals with the generals.

Still I am not sure that Nawaz Sharif is all that changed a person. We thought the same way about Zardari as well and let's be frank if it was Nawaz Sharif in power, it very well may have been Zardari running the long march.The last time he was the prime minister with an overwhelming mandate - he did everything he could to become another dictator. In fact, he was planning to introduce the shariah and become the Amir ul Momenin when he was removed by General Musharraf in October 1999.

Still, he has managed to avoid politics of confrontation if judged from the standard of Pakistani politics. Its a good omen that he has decided to support the PPP government until it completes its term. The two party system has to work in order for democracy to deliver, and for this the leaders of the two parties have to become better versions of their past selves.

Finally - A victory!

2009-03-17T21:59:00.002+05:00

We were part of the initial convoy of more than 200 cars that set out from Model town, Lahore..After the initial speech by NS, the crowd was just powered up and these were not the typical hooligan workers that one associated with PML (n) in the past. I saw ppl with families and regular folks as well..The police just backed away..I think this awareness amongst ppl has been created by the media. Of course, most of the credit goes to the lawyers for this...

We were en route to Gujranwala, ahead of the NS convoy when we got the word that after Kiayni's meeting with Z and Gillaini aka Forest Gump - something might be afoot..

I think its a sign of times a good one too when NS back tracked from the march once he was satisfied of the deal.He did not boast about his victory..I still have my doubts about him and his brother, but he has shown some wisdom and tolerance here..

We saw the final card being played by the desperate elements of pro-Zardari in PPP when they started palyign the Sindh card..MQM was eagerly waiting to jump on this bandwagon of ethnic conflict..I was there and i saw no one shouting against Sindh or Sindhis, but there were plenty of abuses hurled towards Zardari - something which i know for a fact is a daily routine in Larkana...It just goes to show that how much these so called leaders are willing to risk in order to cling on to power..

I just hope that we can move as a nation and mobilize the masses against the threat of Talibanisation the way we did in this lawyer movement..There are dangerous signs that these fascists are spreading their tentacles in the heartland of Punjab. More on that later...

In the end , it was a victory for Pakistan..We have had a lot to fret and worry about...After t he debacle in Swat this is one sweet victory and time is right for the nation of Pakistan to rebound!

The week

2009-03-07T02:21:00.001+05:00

This week has been pretty eventful. My personal life has been evolving
with more flirtations. I am not losing any sleep over my morals and
anyway i think that there is nothing wrong in minor flirtations. Its
not like i am sleeping around with someone. If you can seen a man
appreciating your body from the way he looks at you, than i don't see
why i should not at least make an eye contact or smile at him. I know
its risky but it exciting. Such excitement is pure joy at times - just
imagine what lies in the second step.

Danger ahead

2009-03-04T21:26:00.001+05:00

I have a feeling that things will be taking a really bad turn in the very near future. Pakistan's stability resides in Punjab and if and when Pakistan's most populated and richest province starts to get destabilized- the state of Pakistan will start unraveling. The destabilization process has already begun by the sacking of the Punjab government by the ever corrupt and inefficient Zardari and the terrorist attack in the heart of Lahore. I think there is a real danger that everything can come apart with the assassination of one of the Sharif brothers. Nawaz Sharif has already alerted the media regarding the threat to his life. The terrorists thrive in chaos and for them there seem to be no limit. If only the politicians had the vision and maturity to handle this, but i think none of them have learned anything from their past mistakes. This time around the stakes are very high and they could end up paying a very high price for their shortcomings.

Mad Dog

2009-02-28T00:20:00.003+05:00

I am very distraught with the action taken by the corrupt Mr.10%. It is is very clear that he has learn nothing from history. Some people are doomed to repeat history even if it in the end dooms them as well. Ayaz Amir has written a succinct piece about Zardari. We are again taking a step back into the failed democratic politics of the 90s. This is something which neither this country can afford at this point in time nor President Zardari with an approval rating of 17%!!

Zardari has acted with the typical mindset of a feudal landlord showing no vision of any kind by dismissing the Sharrifs. I have no affections for the PML(N) but Zardari has clearly used and manipulated the Sharrifs in a despicable manner. This is not politics, its stooping to such low levels that its a new one even in Pakistan's political history.

Our party has been approached by the wheelers and dealers of Zardari. Like me most of the other workers and leaders are warning the Chaudhrys about Zardari. I can safely predict today Zardari will not only end up sacking Prime minister Gillani within the next year but that he himself will not be able to complete his 5 year term.

Upset

2009-02-25T21:45:00.002+05:00

There has been an extra spring in my step since the vacation. I feel hopeful and motivated about myself and this is why i have been much more involved in my work since i came back.

On the flip side, I am still upset about the recent attitude of my in-laws. They have always seemed 'nice' but since lately there has been a tendency on the part of my father in-law especially to be a little interfering and dominating. Its like he wants to say that he is the boss. I have found it very resentful and maybe frustrating because i have not as yet come up with a way to counter it.

In my own analysis, my problem is that i tend to be very nice with people, maybe because of the insecurity i feel (nice people being nice because of their insecure emotional state?). Because of this goody good behavior i let others dominate me. The way to counter this is not to over react but act mature (define mature, anyone please?). There is a difference between thinking about and planning a course of action and putting it into practice. I am in a fix as to how to best respond to something like this.

him

2009-02-24T20:45:00.000+05:00

Its been a while since i have seen him again. I have not seen him for more than a month. I have been with him a couple of times and the physical satisfaction is just so amazing, but the fear of the repercussions keeps me from the indulgence again.

My relationship with him is an escape from the reality of my life, but its a very dangerous escape. I have decided for now to work on improving my marriage while keeping the affair at distance, at least for a while.

Pakistan's concession to Talebaan

2009-02-23T21:13:00.002+05:00

Authored by Mustafa

The permanent cease fire agreement with the Talebaan in Malakand Valley, is to me of utmost concern. These are Pakistani Talebaan. Over the last several years they have been itching to take control of parts of Pakistan and now they have. The Malakand or Swat valley is the richest most fertile part of the NWFP and I am very concerned that Peshawar will be next.

Conceding and appeasing the Talebaan is in my view very dangerous and short-sighted. Appeasement does not work. Islamabad has tried it before -- with disastrous results. This has only given these hordes time to rearm and come back. This development is a significant threat to Pakistan at many different levels.

The Talebaan's interpretation of Shariah Law is really fundamentalist Islam in the most agrarian way. It is violently against women. It not only shackles them in the all enveloping veil but it denies them education, to work, to go out against an escort. In Swat dozens of girl schools have been destroyed. I am very very concerned that this will mean terrible things for women out there. To five these vermin concessions in the heart of NWFP is very dangerous.

To their credit, earlier on, the Pakistani army did step up in its fight against the Talebaan but then it started to stall. What happened recently -- and a lot of our soldiers have been killed by the way in this fight -- is that the military stopped going hand to hand with the Talebaan. They stood back and started shelling the militant outposts from long distance. What this did was cause mayhem against the civilian population -- death, injuries and destruction of property. The civilains in that area have had enough. They now want security and peace by any means. So, they as well as many in Islamabad are now saying that OK if we get Shariah Law, it will at least get us peace.

Reality however is different. We have seen this movie before. This is just a lull before the next storm and sooner or later, if unchecked will topple the establishment in Islamabad and for decades erase the vision of a secular Pakistan that many of us including this author share and pine for.

Reality Check

2009-02-20T20:57:00.001+05:00

Finally, the government has capitulated and accepted the reality by accepting the enforcement of Shariah in the Swat and Malakand division. It is a ominous sign of the growing power of the Taliban and their kind. But the past few years has shown that the solution to the problem is not through military means only. The Americans don't give a damn about us, their call is always 'to do more' and by pursuing this path we are on our way to becoming another Iraq.

We have to find our own way through this mess created by Zia and exacerbated by Musharraf. There is no doubt in my mind, that these militants are getting enough support and training not only from our premier nemesis but forces beyond that as well. I do not buy into conspiracy theories but the reality is that Pakistan's Nuclear weapons are a sore sight not only for our eastern neighbour but Israelis as well. It is time that we stand up and show some backbone both to the extremists as well as to the Americans. The priority should be to cleanup the mess at home and one of the ways to do it is to stop killing our own people on the behest of foreign powers.

Richard Holbrooke and his assignment

2009-02-17T20:22:00.005+05:00

Ok, so i am back and have been feeling rather out of loop when it comes to kick starting the blog. Mustafa - the ever tenacious friend of mine decided to contribute something. So here it is:

Ambassador Holbrooke, the Special Representative for Pakistan and Afghanistan arrived day before yesterday in Pakistan. He has been assigned a task no less difficult than what confronted US Policy makers 40 years ago in Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia.

Disclaimer: I am a proud US National of Pakistani origin and it is with this perspective and motivation that I contribute this blog posting.

For Ambassador Holbrooke to succeed, a prerequisite will be that him and his boss, Secretary Clinton, with the full support of President Obama are able to closely coordinate with a fine and sharp focus the activities of a wide spectrum of agencies within the US Government – particularly with USAID within the State Department as well as with Defense, and the National Security Council -- if they are to achieve President Obama's strategic goals for the region.

Any informed and reasonable commentator and expert on the issues confronting USA in this region will accept and confirm that dealing with the situation in Afghanistan requires an integrated strategy that addresses the needs and aspirations of the Governments and people of both Afghanistan and Pakistan AS A WHOLE. This is something that the Bush Administration paid only lip service to. It would also best serve US interests if it drops its role of the last seven years as a "lone ranger" and engages NATO, Russia and China in developing a durable solution.

Afghanistan and Pakistan are two very distinct countries with different languages and different cultures. As someone who has a South Asian father and an Iranian mother – I am well qualified to comment on that. People tend to focus on the Pakhtoon ethnic overlap in both countries BUT there are more Dari speaking people in Afghanistan (with a different mindset and outlook on life) and more Urdu speaking people in Pakistan. Most of the visitors to this blog site are from Pakistan so you will appreciate when as I quote as an example the different outlook on life that a Mohajir or a Sindhi or a Punjabi has as compared to someone from the Tribal Areas. Both countries have extraordinarily different histories AND YET are intertwined by geography and religion and a common hatred for the colonial / imperial ambitions that the West has through the centuries exhibited for this part of the world.

To broker a fair and lasting solution that meets the needs of all key stakeholders is a VERY DIFFICULT ASSIGNMENT. Nobody can say that the war in Afghanistan has gone well for the Americans. US and allied soldiers occupy a country where they are becoming increasingly unpopular and are entrenched in a fight with a ruthless and elusive enemy – Vietnam all over again with perhaps the same negative outcome for America except that the killing fields this time will not be in Cambodia but in Pakistan. Just as Pol Pot savagely decimated Cambodia's population, so might the Talebaan and their fundo allies decimate and slaughter Pakistan intelligentsia and the secular educated middle class in Pakistan.

I have no love or admiration for the Talebaan. To me they represent a bigger threat to Pakistan and the ideals espoused by my beloved Quaid-e-Azam than anything that USA might have inflicted upon us, by supporting a succession of unpopular and destructive military regimes or India might have tried to inflict upon us through its territorial ambitions. This is a cancer that is growing from within and unless strong medicine is prescribed and radical surgery undertaken, will kill us as a nation. The Talebaan are without any scruples at all and have done some of the most odious things in the name of Islam.

I would submit that today Pakistan's and USA's long term objectives coincide – to eradicate the menace that is the Talebaan. We stand to lose more from these vile creatures and their despicable philosophy than USA. Both USA and Pakistan will need to work closely with an open mind and due respect for each other if we are to avoid the looming tragedy i.e. the implosion and collapse of Pakistan.

The situation is infinitely complex. I however think that a good start has been made by placing Afghanistan and Pakistan under one envoy. What is needed is a regional approach and a comprehensive policy and the Obama administration is far more likely to adopt this approach than the Bush Administration was in the last seven years.

I am back!

2009-02-09T08:04:00.001+05:00

I am back from the vacation. The trip was ok, with the kind of life phase i am going through perhaps it was a blessing that things were smooth between me and hubby. Grandeur dreams of a romantic outing was asking for too much. I have learnt to keep expecations really low.

So, i am back to my life and the daily grind of it. I have to figure out a way to kick start the writing again.

Vacation Time!!

2009-01-11T23:54:00.003+05:00

It's finally time for yours truly to get a vacation. I would try my best to post during this break but it might not be too often. I would be back in the first week of February and than the normal service would resume. My thanks to everyone who visits this blog. I will see you guys in the cyber space shortly!

Fears

2009-01-08T23:02:00.001+05:00

Its late at night and demons come to haunt me. I feel vulnerable as i miss him. I wish he would call but he is probably busy with the whole 'shadi' thing and not missing me as much as i am missing him. The latter is probably where my fears stem from, especially after i read his chat logs which have hurt me so bad.
i feel disturbed. Yet as usual i cannot be articulate in my thoughts. I cannot describe them, mainly because i fail to identify them.

I feel my fears grow since my chat with him. He is bounded by his wife - he genuinely fears her for one reason or the other. Why can't he be like my husband, i ask myself?
I feel scared and fearful about us. This is compounded by the fact that i will be leaving for vacation. During that time, i will feel the misery and loneliness, compounded by the fears of him abandoning me. This is scary and tough and i am entering a new territory of mental and psychological trouble.

Random Thoughts

2009-01-07T21:30:00.003+05:00

It is a shame. They do not see me in the colors of my loneliness. The way i drop down the masks of practical business proclivity, when i am alone, i strip down to plain screwed up philosophies of life. The way they see the basic me of smiles and goody good behavior and miss out on the deep depth of my thoughts and dreams. The way they laugh at what i say but skip the real meaning of my words. Laugh they still do because i bid them to.

How i long for intelligent attraction but suffice for the mundane emotions regarding current political affairs. It is indeed a pity as they cannot appreciate my naked vulnerable cries. How i had planned to change the world but cannot even fix my own life. Its a pity indeed! How i cross the line every time that i am alone and blush a glow of red at the thought of getting caught. How come all that the world see in me in is just my outlook? It is a shame. That they don’t see. That they don't even try. I don't think that they even have the courage to do so.

Confession

2009-01-06T07:53:00.004+05:00

OK, I am going to make a confession over here. I am going to trust you guys with something that nobody knows about me in real life. Simply said, I have been having an affair. It began a few months back and things have been very strong between me and him. He is married like i am, but i am not going to take any guilt trips by writing about the whole thing here just at once. Since this is my first entry about this affair, i will take tentative steps. Fair enough?

We have hit a snag mainly because the physical distance between us has grown. I will call him R for the lack of a better term and he was the director at child's school. First time around i met him in his office in the school. He had such good ruggedly looks and strong frame that it immediately caught my attention. He looked at me with such undress me looks. It was not the first time that a man has looked me like that but i certainly felt the ferocity of his gaze. I felt relaxed in his presence and we ended talking about various things. He knows someone whom i also know through my political affiliations and our conversations just grew from there. By the end of the meeting we decided to stay in touch through phone to review my son's academic performance. It grew from there. I called him a couple of times and we talked.

He hosted a lunch for me later in the week to review my son's class performance. Yeah, i know the whole thing was a charade for us to get together. Despite the freedom i enjoy, i had to be careful about my lunch meeting since this city can be very dangerous especially when it comes to gossip. During the lunch, his eyes were all over me. I mean he was staring right on my breasts and the rest of me. It was very physical and the sexual tension between us was palpitating. I encouraged him tacitly by smiling or adjusting int he seat in a certain manner. I guess you can get the picture by now.

I think this should suffice as the first entry about this.

A lousy start

2009-01-05T21:58:00.003+05:00

I have such a searing headache. I wake up and i just feel lazy and don't feel like doing anything. A state of despondency is misery indeed! I have less than a week to go before i go to visit my parents, and the preparation is so so. After that hubby dear has planned a vacation of sorts. I don't want to mention all the shitty stuff that will happen when i am with either my parents or with husband. It seems like somethings just never change and history is bound to repeat itself again and again.

Husband's attitude with my family has never been good. Somehow they have always bothered him. He is such a traditional person and just loves to be the 'typical' man. At the end of the day, what really frustrates me is that my family does not get the respect that they deserve from him and his family. I don't have a way to express that frustration and rage and that makes things even worse. My in-laws are weird people to say the least. I sometimes think that the whole idea of marriage is as an institution is bankrupt especially in a society such as ours where the woman is supposed to be all compromising.

As frustrated and discontented i am with the whole situation, I also know that somethings never change. i am trying to work on this. I am trying to make myself better off. I am working on being less anxious, more patient about things. I think the change has to come in me if i have to better my life. I believe that you live your life between your ears, more than anything else. How you see the world, and how you filter and respond to the events determine the success and happiness of your life. I need to be more steady in my emotions. I need to avoid being either too happy or too sad. It's a difficult balance to find but i need to find it. This was one of the new year resolutions and i tend to stick to it.

Whenever i write about personal matters, i try not to edit anything. I just post whatever comes in my mind. It is a reflection of my mind, uncensored. Therefore, i apologize if some of the stuff i write sounds incoherent.

New Year Resolutions

2009-01-04T01:05:00.003+05:00

2009 is upon us and i guess each and everyone of us is looking forward to the new year. With the New Year comes New Year resolutions. i was never a stickler for them but this time around i feel like coming up with a few of them. I think i can put this new found zest for planning and determination to this blogging habit of mine. Writing has helped me clear my mind and organize my thoughts. On some level i have come to better understand myself. Needless to say that, blogging will be part of the New Year resolutions. So here are the resolutions:

Need to improve emotional health. I need to be more steady; neither too sad nor too happy. How i go about it is going to be difficult but crucial for a better year. I will write more about this later.
Improve fitness by walking daily. I am not fat, but i have put on. I need to maintain my good figure for obvious reasons.
Keep on writing on this blog. It has been a positive contribution in my life.

So here are the three New Year resolutions. I wanted to keep them simple and achievable. I don't know how i will fare with them but you guys can always hold me up to my words at the end of the year. And i would love to hear back if any of you guys want to share your New Year resolutions.

Happy New Year!!!

2009-01-01T08:26:00.003+05:00

Wishing everyone a Happy, Safe and Prosperous 2009!!

The Israeli assault

2008-12-31T00:01:00.007+05:00

So here we go again as Israel bombs the hell out of a giant prison masquerading as a city called Gaza. No country in the world, not even the mighty USA can get away with the kind of outrageous oppression and state terrorism that Israel inflicts on the Arab cities and population areas. Where else do you see Jet fighters bombing and razing city blocs from Beirut to Gaza. All of this is possible because of the unstinting support of the Americans and to a lesser degree from the Europeans.

I tend to hold sympathetic views for the Jews in particularly especially taking into account their massacre for centuries by the Christan west. But this is sort of behavior makes me mad. Now imagine, how would people living in Gaza would be feeling and than it is asked, 'why do they hate us'. They hate them and their supporters because of their double standards and hypocrisy. The western media is full of justification for this kind of barbaric act. In the end, what really counts is the might.

I believe that there can be no peace in that region unless either the Americans become balanced in their approach to this conflict or Israel is weakened. This is asymmetrical ware fare. You have a first world country literally imported from the western hemisphere and imposed upon the hapless Arabs who are nothing but a third rate nation. The balance of power between the Israelis and the Arabs needs to brought at par and only than would the Israelis have any kind of an incentive to seek some kind of a real peace. In the meantime they will pick and choose their targets at will and the Palestinians will continue to be their victims. Read Tariq ali's analysis of the situation.

Palestine is a horrible example for other nations. An example of what weakness can lead to: sheer humiliation and destruction.

Political ramblings

2008-12-29T21:15:00.000+05:00

Thing are brewing up politically and it seems like the battle for Punjab will begin in earnest in January between PML(N) and the PPP. It could be the good old 90s all over again. I hope that both sides will show better judgment here. The Punjab governor, Salman Taseer has made it a point to pick fights with the Sharif brothers. The governer has a personal score to settle with the Sharifs and ever since he became governor he has kept the PML (N) government on the back foot in Punjab. It is also not lost on the Sharifs that Taseer was close to Musharraf as well.

People in our party are pretty happy over the impending conflict between the two largest political parties in the countries. It suits them well. This is politics and no matter how dirty or mismanaged it gets, the system still needs to be allowed to work. It will take time and it will make people frustrated and angry but we have no choice. Unlike Arabs, we are a highly politicised society and as the previous experiment with the benevolent dictator shows even the person with the best intentions is only likely to exacerbate things. I would prefer Musharraf any day over a Zardri or a Shariff but in the end its not about individuals, but rather about a system. I hope this Zardari character will show the political maturity and sincerity that we badly need. I know how suspiciously people feel about Zardari but still one has to hope for the best.

By the way, some of you guys have been commenting on my boldness. I am shy in person but this blog is where i can be myself. Sometimes it it not easy to talk, I have never been the one to talk openly about things. But honestly writing over here and getting a feedback about it has been very good and healthy.

Disclosure?

2008-12-27T23:15:00.001+05:00

I have had a pretty good weekend. I am tempted to share a secret here but not sure if i want to confess it publicly or not. I will get back to that later on. For now let me just say that there was satisfaction and bliss in the air yesterday. Also, I attended a few weddings. This is the height of the 'wedding season' and there is nothing like dressing up for the occasion. I am very much into ostentation, this is a weakness of mine and i love the attention that i get. I don't see anything wrong with it. What is the harm if i dress up nicely and go to a social gathering and get tons of looks from men, who have nothing but desire and lust in their eyes. It is just GREAT!

As for sharing more 'sensitive' stuff about my life. Well, I am still thinking over it.

Misery

2008-12-25T11:19:00.001+05:00

I have more misery to share. Somehow even after all these years of being married and away from the home i was born in, i keep going back there to seek some kind of an emotional refuge yet always seem to get punished for my naivety. I visited my parents for another regular visit. I don't know where to start, i am by nature a person who is escapist, who likes to escape from the cruel realities of life. Perhaps, this a product of my childhood scarred by quarreling parents who later on ended up hating each other. Yet despite all their hatred, never had the guts (especially my dad) to call it quits. So the torture continues all these years. I cannot escape it even if i want to. They say that one needs to be selfish and look to one's own life instead of fretting over the nasty habits of one's parents. You really don't have a choice in choosing them and the past always lives with you. Yet, in our society parents are the be all and the end all, rightly or wrongly. Even if they have scarred you for life. I think that makes weaker than noble.

To sum it all up mom and dad had a fight, 'larayi' while i was there. My dad can get abusive and my mom couldn't take the abuse and there was no stopping her. I learnt so many things/secrets about my dad from my mother while she shouted at my dad. Stories of a very devious past, i guess a past of a womanizing man. Someone who was not very honest. Someone who was corrupt. To say the least, the whole thing was just harrowing. I feel scarred and damaged after all these years all over again. I blame myself at times. I blame myself for not being able to shoulder and support my mother. I feel guilty and it is crushing and miserable.

Awesome photos

2008-12-23T20:56:00.007+05:00

I love beautiful photos and some of the photos here are just absolutely stunning. I thought i should share this with everyone here. The photo on the right was taken from an airplane over Moscow.

http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2008/12/21/75-eye-catching-examples-of-aerial-photography/

http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2008/04/28/really-stunning-pictures-and-photos/

Weekend

2008-12-22T19:49:00.001+05:00

I have been sort of under the weather with Flu and a soar throat. I watched a couple of interesting movies over the weekend including Traitor and Mamma Mia. The latter was pure entertainment, it was a musical with the ever so green and sexy Pearce Boson in the lead.

Traitor was good thriller based on current events. Don Cheadle was great. Traitor did a very good job of stepping on the audience's toes with some lines that could have been considered prejudiced, and then catching themselves with actual truths about the war in the Middle East, in addition to religions themselves. This obviously takes place in the dialog of the characters, particularly those of Cheadle and Guy Pearce. The film's dialog is well written,

On another note i have been very encouraged to write almost daily because of the feedback that i have been getting on the blog. Its great and motivating. Thanks to everyone!

Not going

2008-12-19T21:47:00.001+05:00

There is supposed to be a social event/party planned and i just don't feel like going. I know its important to go there and my husband would be insisting that i be there with him for all the political mileage that can be attained by going to such events. I just don't feel like it, i never feel comfortable with too many people around.

I have never told this to anyone but at times i feel this social anxiety, the need to be away from people. They just overwhelm me. I have a excuse ready and i am going to use it.I don't have to feel miserable doing what i don't want to, simple as that! So i am making the right decision and i will standby it!

iWork

2008-12-18T22:50:00.001+05:00

The work has been hectic. Obviously, because of the public and political nature of my work i cannot discuss the nitty gritty of it. When i joined this post at the behest of my husband i was very skeptical of it, but the last few months have not been that bad and i have actually enjoyed doing the work. One of the reasons is that i have been allowed to be my boss and i have not been dictated from above or at least not a lot. I have used our political contacts to work with the local and international NGOs and that has been very rewarding. Secondly, most of the people i am working with are young and energetic, including lots of younger women. They have fresh ideas, despite the fact that the top hierarchy of this party is still very much feudal in its outlook and mindset. Things are changing and they will change but it will take sometime.

I am an administrator at the local level. I am also responsible for the dealings with the media. They can be a pain in the butt but frankly our party has not been in the limelight mainly because we lost a lot of ground during the last election.

Personally, my politics is different in ideology from my current associations but something is better than nothing or for being a house wife - which i do enjoy. I am lazy by nature but restless as well. These two opposites of my personality are always clashing with each other and make me take instinctive and sudden decisions. I would like to brand myself as a someone with a analytical mind but the truth is that i very much succumb to my sudden urges. As you can see i also love to criticize myself as well. More on that later.

The Shoes

2008-12-17T20:32:00.001+05:00

Guest Post by Mustafa

Two days ago, a new Arab folk hero was born. A 29 year ols Iraqi TV reporter named Muntander al-Zaidi, during a press conference, threw his shoes at George W. Bush and called the President a "dog." "This is your farewell kiss, you dog!" he shouted in Arabic. "This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq."

That act of defiance earned nearly universal praise from all parts of the Middle East except Israel !! His act was but a reflection of the hate and contempt that nearly all Iraqis (except Kurds) feel for Bush.

While I myself had a good laugh yesterday when I heard about it, and felt absolutely no sympathy for the man who has brought so much loss and devastation to a country that bore USA no harm; today I had an epiphany. How many necks would have rolled, literally, if someone had attempted this under Saddam Hussein.

Clearly, Iraq is today a freer country.

By the way, I am impressed with how Bush reacted to the whole incident. He showed no sign of being flustered or distressed. He reacted with his usual sense of good humor calling the missile a "size ten shoe".

PAF quotes and the Indian air Incursion

2008-12-16T21:25:00.001+05:00

Regarding the recent air incursion by the Indian Air force in the Pakistani air space. I read an excellent analysis by Abdullah Saad at:

http://abdullahsaad.com/30-indian-su-30-mki-and-mirage-2000-h-aircrafts-intrude-into-pakistani-airspace

The following quotes taken from international media sources about Pakistani fighter pilots and PAF.

"This airforce(the PAF), is second to none"

"The air war lasted two weeks and the Pakistanis scored a
three-to-one kill ratio, knocking out 102 Russian-made Indian jets
and losing thirty-four airplanes of their own. I'm certain about the
figures because I went out several times a day in a chopper and
counted the wrecks below." "They were really good, aggressive
dogfighters and proficient in gunnery and air combat tactics. I was
damned impressed. Those guys just lived and breathed flying. "

(General (Retd.) Chuck Yeager (USAF) , Book: Yeager, the
Autobiography).
General Chuck Yeager, famous USAF test pilot, on deputation in
Pakistan as US Defense Representative. The PAF remains the only
foreign air force in the world to have received Chuck Yeager's
admiration - a
recommendation which the PAF is proud of.
==============================

================

"He was a formidable fellow and I was glad that he was Pakistani and
not Egyptian"
(Israel Air Force chief and ex-President Ezer Weizmen writing about
PAF chief Nur Khan in his autobiography, On Eagles' Wings).
===============================================

"As an air defence analyst, I am fully aware that the Pakistan Air
Force ranks today as one of the best air forces in the world and that
the PAF Combat Commanders' School (CCS) in Sargodha has been ranked
as the best GCI/pilot and fighter tactics and weapons school in the
world". As one senior US defence analyst commented to me in 1991, "it
leaves Topgun (the US Naval Air Station in Miramar, California) far
behind".
-Sergey Vekhov
May 1993 issue (pages 46-47) of Airforces Monthly, a reputable
UK-based air defence magazine.
================================================

The PAF, although outnumbered by IAF(Indian Air Force), has at least
one qualitative edge over its rival: Pilot Training. The caliber of
Pakistani instructors is acknowledged by numerous air forces, and US
Navy pilots considered them to be highly 'professional' during
exercises flying off the USS Constellation (as co-pilots).

-Jane's International Defense (June 24, 1998)
================================================

"By all accounts the courage displayed by the Pakistan Air Force
pilots is reminiscent of the bravery of the few young and dedicated
pilots who saved this country from Nazi invaders in the critical
Battle of Britain during the last war."

Patrick Seale,
The Observer, London,
September 12, 1965.
================================================

"Pakistan claims to have destroyed something like 1/3rd the Indian
Air Force, and foreign observers, who are in a position to know say
that Pakistani pilots have claimed even higher kills than this; but
the Pakistani Air Force are being scrupulously honest in evaluating
these claims. They are crediting Pakistan Air Force only those
killings that can be checked from other sources."

Roy Meloni,
American Broadcasting Corporation
September 15, 1965.
================================================

The London Daily Mirror reported: "There is a smell of death in the
burning Pakistan sun. For it was here that India's attacking forces
came to a dead stop.

"During the night they threw in every reinforcement they could find.
But wave after wave of attacks were repulsed by the Pakistanis"

"India", said the London Daily Times, "is being soundly beaten by a
nation which is outnumbered by four and a half to one in population
and three to one in size of armed forces."

In Times reporter Louis Karrar wrote: "Who can defeat a nation which
knows how to play hide and seek with death"

Humpty Dumpty

2008-12-15T22:24:00.001+05:00

I had a good weekend. I was able to sleep well during the nights. The little secret to is that husband was in good mood and i pleased him in bed in every way possible and in return he SATISFIED me. Let me tell you there is nothing like getting your thirst quenched. I don't know how much descriptive i should be here - since this is a view for all blog but the humpty dumpty stuff was pretty good.

He had told me that i was looking very good over the Eid. I didn't really had to know that from him since looks exchanged with men had told me that much already. I know i have good looks and a rather voluptuous figure which tends to get men's attention. I was never very comfortable or confident about my looks and outlook but since the last year or so i have become more confident and comfortable. I credit that to my own thinking which made me literally lust for myself - i don't know if i am making any sense here. In my mind i went beyond the so called norms and started to accept my urges as being natural. What's so wrong about the fact that i get turned on when men look at me or i can almost sense their sexual desire for me. Also, what is so wrong about it that i am desiring and wanting a physical relationship with another man? Taking into account that hubby dear has been less than faithful to me over the years.

There is a bunch of stuff that is going on with me but I try to be careful in whatever that i am seeking. Don't worry i will confess it over here.

Guest post - India should carefully, very carefully, weigh its options

2008-12-15T07:11:00.001+05:00

This is a guest blog entry by Mustafa - a good friend, who wanted to voice his opinion regarding the current political situation between India and Pakistan. I may not agree with some of what he has to say, but than there is nothing is like diversity in opinion.

-Z

India should carefully, very carefully, weigh its options

Much has been said by many of the Mumbai horror being India's 9/11.

No less a figure than US Senator John McCain has counseled Pakistan that if it did not do all that it should to comprehend the "Bad Guys" he had personal information that India would launch air strikes on "terrorist camps" in Pakistan and that Washington would abstain from interfering as Mumbai was India's 9/11.

However, what happened in NY seven years ago cannot be equated and should not be equated with the horrible tragedy last month in Mumbai. The context is different, the times are different and they demand a different response from New Delhi. The Indian leadership would be well advised to reach at a set of decisions independent of the baggage of 9/11.

The Mumbai carnage was not an isolated incident. There have been a series of horrific incidents unleashed on India including Guwahati, Bangalore, and Malegaon. The question that one needs to ask is why? Something has gone very badly wrong in India

One should never justify or condone the use of terror to achieve political objectives such as Mumbai being used in response to Indian atrocities in Kashmir. However one needs to understand the context so as to effectively address the issue.

Yes, Pakistan has its Hafiz Saeed. He supports the use of suicide bombings, considers Shias non-Muslims, thinks democracy to be flawed and non-Islamic, would prefer to see all Jews eradicated from this planet and is all for jihad being waged to have his Salafist version of Islam imposed upon the world.

However, India also its share of hate mongers. Babu Bajrangi of Ahmedabad. He played a key role in the 2002 Gujarat massacre of muslims and who on TV expressed his to kill 50,000 Muslims. Then India has his mentor, Narendra Modi.

It is true that all these years, Hafiz Saeed has been allowed to live unencumbered by the Pakistani Government while he has spewed hatred.

India does not have clean hands either. Babu Bajrangi, is out on bail very much doing what he pleases in Gujarat. The butcher of Gujarat, Narendra Modi, is still the chief minister of Gujarat. What does India have to say in her defense that the man who presided over the Gujarat genocide has been re-elected twice.

Yes, Hafiz Saeed's organization has branches and volunteers throughout Pakistan. The Hindu Supremacy organization, the RSS too has 48,000 branches and 9 million volunteers throughout India. Members include former prime minister AB Vajpayee, and current leader of the opposition LK Advani. India is in no position to take the High Road.

Partition may have happened 61 years ago, the wounds however are still raw. The third generation on both sides still sheds tears over the massacre of more than a million people. Kashmir is still the tinderbox that it was 60 years ago. A never ending nightmare with no end in sight – a quicksand that has sucked in 65,000 lives. Pakistan may have become a corrupt (in every sense of the word) state with no protection for minorities. India too has had its share of Babu Bajrangis, bent on raping, maiming and killing Muslims until the last of this circumcised lot leaves the land of the Ganjes. Babri Masjid was not an isolated random incident. Gujarat is not going to be the last time that a Muslim will be massacred.

Clearly Pakistan is as close to a failed state as one will see, a tragedy unfolding in slow motion as it slowly implodes. A population in denial, a civilian government unwilling and unable to keep the militants in check, an army with a million rogue elements, fanatic mullahs – this is a very toxic soup.

However, military action by India will further exacerbate matters. It will lead to total chaos and India will also be dragged into the morass. The ultimate nightmare is a destroyed Pakistan with rogue agents in control of the nuclear stockpile in India's immediate vicinity. Is this what India wishes?

India needs to set its own house in order. If its 150 million Muslim citizens cease to become marginalized and begin to thrive, much of the ammunition that the likes of Hafiz Saeed has to play with will go away. They will fail to recruit young boys and transform them into mindless killers. These 10 young men who created so much havoc in Mumbai were remarkably efficient killing machines. They made no demands and did not wish to negotiate. They waded ashore with one intention -- kill as many people as possible and cause as much damage as they could before they were killed themselves. They had no respect for life, not even their own. It did not matter to them that a large number of their victims were Muslims, or that their action could ignite a severe backlash against Muslims in India.

Yes, Pakistan needs to do all that it can in eradicating these monsters, but India needs to remove the very acts of injustice and persecution that forms the fertile breeding ground for these recruits.

The strategy adopted by USA after 9/11 has not been successful. It is currently engaged in two costly wars that it cannot win. It is today despised across the world. Its economy has been crippled. More of its young sons and daughters have died in these last five years than on 9/11. Its citizens have lost some of their civil liberties.

India will suffer the same fate by engaging in military action against Pakistan. Yes, Pakistan will get destroyed but at a price to India that will be unpalatable. India needs half a million soldiers to police Kashmir. How many for Pakistan's portion of Punjab and Sindh? The Indians should do their maths.

What the two countries are experiencing is the result of six decades of unwise policies that have with each passing years made matters worse. They are sowing what they have reaped.

Enlightened leadership is needed on both sides. Not war.

What a Kiss

2008-12-14T07:07:00.001+05:00

I read this online and couldn't help but share it with you guys. I love long and deep kisses but clearly in this case, the passion knocked the stuffing out of the poor girl. Read on...

"The 20-something from Zhuhai in Guangdong province arrived at hospital having completely lost the hearing in her left ear, said local reports. " She and her boyfriend would indulge in long kissing sessions. But in this case the kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear," the doctor who treated her explained."

Now this is what i call tough Love.

LeT - The enemy within

2008-12-12T22:22:00.002+05:00

Its good to see the government closing the offices of the hate mongering terrorist, the LeT (Lashkar -e- Tayyaba). Although, I am still not sure whether they are ones behind the attacks in Mumbai, but anybody who has read their literature would deem them to be terrorists.Their vision of the world is based on a dark vision which has nothing to do with Islam but rather on using a great religion for their own political motives.

LeT is another Jihad factory spawned by the security establishment to carry out its vested interests. Somebody has to put the lid on these people and their various 'strategic designs' and 'strategic depths'. These same people have flawed concepts which don't put Pakistan first but rather cater to an obscure Pan Islamist agenda. This agenda and their proponents with their ill-kept beards and hate spewing ideology are part of the same breed which was against the foundation of the modern state of Pakistan. This included such stalwarts of the clergy such as Allama Maudaudi - the founder of Jamaat e Islami, Maulana Abdul Kalam Azad amongst many others. They fought tooth and nail against Mohammed Ali Jinnah and the creation of Pakistan. They should have been dumped at the time of the partition in India, but instead they hijacked the newly created state and started imposing their ideology.

Now that the government is cracking down on LeT. what will prevent them from lashing back on the state? We can have more mess and suicide bombings within the heartland of Punjab and it will very well go the way the NWFP has gone. This mess needs to be sorted by making some very difficult decisions and providing a vision for the nation. A vision which is based on economic prosperity and not on ill founded security needs. But for all of this we need leadership. Zardari has to realize that Bhutto's fall from grace began with his flirtation of the Mullah. Bhutto, the so- called secular leader was the first one to give the mullahs the political space in the main stream politics. Zardari should and must undo that, otherwise the danger within will only exacerbate!

Zamindar update

2008-12-11T22:28:00.001+05:00

I am working on next installment of the Zamindar story, though it is still in works. I have to keep certain limitations in mind in regards to the language used, as people have already commented on how 'pornish' and rather 'vulgar' my blog is beginning to look. But frankly, my intention never was to write for someone else. This blog is a mode of expression for me and it will continue to be so. I am sure there are others who enjoy the free expression with the rather flamboyant language, even if it is bordering on 'vulgarity'.

Eid Party

2008-12-10T21:36:00.001+05:00

On the Eid day, we threw a big party at our 'big' house. Yes the word 'big' matters a lot in the kind of social and political circles that my In laws inspire to be a strong part of. There were the usual suspects at the party, with lots of 'Qurbani' meat going around to keep everybody happy. I am not going to name any particular people but as you can guess there were a few notables elites with their proud and snobbish wives/bitches. Hey, what's the different any way? I can pretend with this lot and have kind of gotten used to their materialism. I am good at playing the proverbial Roman in Rome.

The highlight of the evening for me was this bachelor guy. He was a cutie and there were a number of looks exchanged between me and him. I ended up fantasizing about him while i pleased myself this afternoon in my bed. I am very sensual and visual and he certainly got my imagination worked up. The way he looked at me - it was a very see through look. I hope to see him more at another party that my husband would be throwing up this weekend. I don't know if i would have the courage to go up to him, but if he initiates a conversation i would most certainly oblige him.

Miserable home visit

2008-12-09T23:55:00.001+05:00

Meri maan bechaari itni badbakht kiyoun hai..
Some people are born unlucky i guess..
I only exacerbate her woes with my stupid remarks..
I feel sad..I went home for lunch and got into a minor argument with mom when she was nagging me about her application disposal and i was just getting irritated...Even after all these years and all of us getting married ,somethings just remain the same..I did not say anything nasty to her, just that i don't feel like coming home and i guess she felt very bad about that and now i feel pretty bad as well but than my years with my parents were just like that..

Honestly, i don't feel like going home at times to visit parents..I feel like running away from all that baggage and misery which has been compounded year after year on us by mom and dad..They were a complete failure with each other and somehow i still bear these childhood scars..

Honestly, i think i just need a break from them..I just feel depressed and powerless..
The way we hurt each other is astounding, yet sometimes i feel so frustrated in her presence..
I tolerate such nuisance from Husband yet when it comes to Mom i seem to have little patience..
Maybe i don't know how to take care of mom who depends on me yet I irk from the responsibility and it actually scares me..
Anyways, i feel really sad, guilty and depressed..Mom really knows how to make you feel guilty, but i guess after all these years being married to such a selfish person as my dad can take its toll..

People you love the most end up hurting you the most. I guess that is basic truth of human relationships..

Peshawar on the brink

2008-12-08T20:29:00.001+05:00

Peshawar is well on its way to becoming another Kabul. The reach of the Taliban is very well within Peshawar. Journalists used to go to the tribal badlands to get the news stories about Taliban. Now they can get it int he provincial capital, Peshawar. The kidnappings and killings have become a routine part of the city. ANP, the provincial government is fast losing support. Already, checkpoints resembling the green zone in Baghdad have been setup. YES, it has become this bad!

I am sorry but i refuse to believe that this is being done without some sort of a tacit support from the ISI or 'rogue' elements within it. I think it is very clear by now that the Gennie is well outside the box. The army high command is in this fight against terrorism with all its wits, yet it has not been successful because clearly the intelligence is not there. Pakistan has lost the most and is in danger of losing more unless this is contained. India has never had the guts to cross the international border, rather its the religious fanatics part of the Jihad factories created by the Military establishment with the consent of the Americans that is a existential threat to Pakistan. Clearly, the danger lies on our western border as opposed to the east front.

The solution lies in the departure of the Americans from the region which will definitely help. Secondly, one agency which can tackle this spreading cancerous is the ISI - the very agency responsible for the creation of this Frankenstein monster.

OTHERWISE - the establishment should know that these people have the power and the capacity to cross the Indus and march onto Islamabad itself!

Politics

2008-12-08T06:40:00.001+05:00

If i have not told mentioned it here, i am part of a political family...
It was for years ruling this part of the country, not very long ago..
Times have changed, but for the privileged few things remain the same..
I am married in a political family...After Musharraf opened the doors for woman's role in
politics by putting in place the quota system..Many well do to political families began to maintain their
monopoly in the national assembly by sending in their daughters, wives, sisters to these seats..
But not all news is bad news..I can vouch for a lot of good women MNAs in the national assembly...
They are young, immature at times but motivated to do something..
The rewards will be forthcoming in the future if not anytime soon..

I am not an elected, member - never wanted to be...
But i am a administrator at the city level for my party..
I like the work, but sometimes it gets tedious...
This is one reason that i might be ranting political stuff on this blog..

Btw, HAPPY EID to everyone reading this..Enjoy it with your family but don't over stuff
yourself with all that meat..

December

2008-12-07T03:27:00.002+05:00

December is here and it is getting cold.
The day was good..Husband was in his good moods which meant just one thing; humping and pumping between my legs..
Just goes to show how selfish men are by nature..
The sex was good if not mind blowing..I was thinking of the wild stuff while he was inside me...
These are just the random thoughts of the day..
I don't know how descriptive i have to be about my sex life or the actual encounters..
My thought process and how i express myself is evolving as this blog evolves. Feedback would obviously help.

Mumbai attacks - A view point

2008-12-05T22:32:00.001+05:00

Below is an interesting analysis of the Mumbai attacks. I am still forming not sure about what went down there. Read and reflect us with your opinion.

5 Points That Destroy India's Latest Fairytale5 Points That Destroy India's Latest Fairytale

By FIDA MARVAT
Tuesday, 2 December 2008

PESHAWAR, Pakistan—In 1988, Indian Navy and commandos took only 24 hours to storm Mamoon Abdul Quyum's palace in the Maldives when it was taken over by rebels and eliminated the rebels within another 24 hours.

But in Mumbai, it took India 60 hours to eliminate ten terrorists equipped only with KKs. The entire drama seems to be well scripted like Bollywood/Hollywood movies. On one side they blame ISI for planning, executing the whole episode and on the other hand they blame ISI for committing silly mistakes and leaving behind incriminating evidence to be picked up by the Indian intelligence so it could find easy links to Karachi/Pakistan.

Some other Indian lies include:
1.. Indians failed to detect movement of the alleged merchant ship from Karachi and then its off loading of passengers at high sea.
2.. These 10 daredevils traveled in rubber dinghies up to Bombay shores unnoticed. Was the Indian coastal defense system asleep?
3.. The terrorists waded through the marshes of Bombay coastline, reached the road network, hijacked police vehicles, divided themselves in three groups and then headed for their targets in the posh localities of Bombay, and EVERYTHING GOES UNNOTICED.
4.. Like precision guided missiles these terrorists reach their targets and take over heavily guarded two 5-star hotels, dodging the security system of the entire city of Bombay and the internal security system of these 5-star hotels and the Jewish center also.
5.. They fight it out with Indian commandos for 3 days and all but one is killed. The Indians claim that he is ISI sponsored. If we believe the Indian storyline, it defies logic. How can a professional spy agency like ISI commit the following mistakes:
1.. Sailing the terrorist off from Karachi. Why not Dubai, Chittagong or Eden for better deception?
2.. Credit cards of Pakistani origin in their pockets. Do the suicide bombers carry the IDs in their pockets?
3.. Their Pakistani Punjabi ascent. The first lesson given to intelligence operators is to adapt to local environments. If such an operation was planned by Pakistan and ISI, the operatives would have known that they would have to communicate/ negotiate with the hostages and others and hence would have concealed this giveaway sign.
I leave to the readers to decide if Indian lies are white or black.

--

Insomniac

2008-12-05T08:34:00.001+05:00

I have not been able to sleep well..I am official an insomniac..The nights are restless..
It helps when the husband gives me sexual satisfaction other wise i just stay awake..
I will write as things become more clear in my mind...
I don't know if reading about my life gives you any kind of satisfaction, dear reader but i am happy to oblige you..

Will write more later..
--

Bob Dole - "The internet is a great way to get on the net."

2007-11-29T04:54:00.000+05:00

It turns out that writing about my life is not so easy. i am a shy person by nature and it takes some doing. I think i can start out by writing some stories that have been creeping up in my mind for some time.

I have titled this story ' Zamindar' and i will preview the story.

Ideas?

2007-11-28T04:45:00.000+05:00

I am thinking of writing something. Anything. Does it have to be provocative?
I am a normal house wife, a normal person yet i have such wild and vulgar thoughts and fantasies..
I think i would like this blog to be interactive, so for anyone reads this. I want them to suggest to me as to what should i write about.

How about some dirty desie vocabulary for a start, eh??

First post

2007-11-25T22:48:00.000+05:00

This is my first post. This is something new for me. I think i will need some help in writing and maintaining this blog. The purpose of this blog is to write and share my life, frustrations, hopes, dreams with the world.

I am a woman who has her needs but i am someone who is constrained by the limits of the society. I need to feel my urges and to recognize them.

Enough said, any feed back would be welcome.