To be or not to be!

Me and R talk almost every other day, even if its for a few minutes over the phone. There is a bit of feigned shyness on my part and cajoling on his part to convince me of a meeting with him. I am caught up between my desire and reality. I know that what i am doing is risky and not easy. It is fraught with dangers but I have arrived at such a point in my life where i do not really care about consequences. I want the intimacy and I want the flesh on flesh sensation. I am eager and young and he shows me smoothly and at times a bit strongly how luscious and needy i am. The satisfaction is immense. There are hardly any words to describe that, if I try to explain I might end up getting slapped for adult writing. But please sure is pleasure. I am thrilled by the fact that R finds me so hot, keeping in mind that he has a very beautiful wife. I know it is selfish and wrong, especially to his young wife but the pleasures of the flesh are such.  Even if it is a sin, what a delicious sin it is! 

Anyways, I have still not made up my mind of meeting him on Friday. He wants at least a date. I will have to pick a restaurant and maybe tease him over and take things from over there. 

The Introvert

Back from Frontier. We stayed in Abbottabad, where the military run schools have been closed due to the fear of kidnappings by the Taliban. It was a nice 'trip.' Maybe i will write more about it later. 

For whatever it is worth, I have only realized now how much of an introvert i am. I think it is probably more than that. Curious at my unease in social occasions and amongst group of people, I did a quick google search about these kinds of symptoms. Interestingly, it turns out that i am inflicted with a mild form Social anxiety. I was rather relieved to learn that it is pretty normal to have such a disorder and that there are number of people who suffer from the same thing. I think this is the reason which sort of drives me underground, so to speak. Underground from the normalcy of life. I hate those regular meetings at the social club, where all the women gossip like they have nothing better to do. But than maybe i also resent them for their ability to adjust. I can fake comfort in their world, but i feel like an outcast from the esteem. I live in my own little world and it suits me better.

I am seeing him again. We just met for a cup of tea and it was nice chatting with him. He said that he 'wants me,' which is a signal for a more intimate meeting. I want it to but for now i am hesitant and will resist his urges the temptations and the desire take over.  

The Final Push

I have been away for sometime and was not able to update my blog for sometime. My apoligies for the absence and the many emails that i have received from everyone. I am in NWFP, will not name the town for now and i can tell you that th situation especially in the tribal agencies is war like. I can hear the Cobra helicopters circling above me as i write this.

Just wanted to let everyone know, that the Pak Army assault on S.Wazirstan commenced about 8 minutes back. I have a relative serving there so i hope that everything goes smoothly and our troops are protected from these killers and barbarians. These are very tough times for our nation compounded by some very inept leadership and multitude of enemies. Once can only hope and pray that Pakistan and Pakistanis show the historic resilience that they have always shown in their chaotic history. Even for a liberal like me, one thing is clear: US must get out of Afghanistan ASAP, otherwise their sheer presence will only continue to destabilize Pakistan. 

Will continue to write and update.

It is said that never to trust a person who prays in public and to this I may add - Never trust a person who wears religion on his sleeve or on his face. Post 9/11 and the resulting religious fervor and the Taliban onslaught has increased the bearded ones in the land of pure manifold. I wonder how much all of that hirsute make over by the male gender has affected the revenues of the manufacturers of the Shaving products.  But that is a separate issue but worth thinking about for those in the related industries. 

On a personal level, I recently came across a gentleman who was seemingly very cultured and educated. I tried not to stereotype him even with a full flowing beard. Yet, despite all his pious appearance he could not help himself being 'tempted' by me. I think the very act of me indulging in a cultured/political conversation with him somehow lead him to believe that I may be open to his flirtation. Men with religious, dogmatic political/social views of the Jamaati type tend to believe that women who are intelligent and can argue with a man by looking him in the eye are somehow whores or at best 'lose character.' What disgusted me was the sheer hypocrisy of it all. He was trying to conceal it with the garb of religion. I do not mind if men try to flirt with me but this coming from a man who believes that women should be limited to the confines of her house and should literally take the word of her husband as the very words of the Caliph himself just pissed me off. I gave it to him and he was simply stunned if not ashamed. 

Munawwar Hassan of JI declares Baitullah Mehsud a ‘Shaeed'

Few days back Jamat e Islami ameer Munawwar Hassan of JI declared Baitullah Mehsud a ‘Shaeed’ on a live TV show.The worst enemy of Pakistan, an infidel of humanity who killed hundreds of innocent Pakistanis, waged a war against the state of Pakistan and is most probably responsible for the assassination of its former Prime minister is a Shaheed for JI. The few liberal elements in the media such as yourself need to pick this up in the media and take on the hate preachers - JI. If this is not an act of treason than i don't know what is.

http://express.com.pk/epaper/PoPupwindow.aspx?newsID=1100693590&Issue=NP_KHI&Date=20090816

14th August

Things have changed since i last made a detailed entry on this blog. They have changed for the better both on a personal as well as on the national level. There will be upheavals, such is life but as long as major tragedies are avoided, once can claim to have lived a decent life.

So another 14th August is up on us. Despite everything, including the never ending load shedding routine and big and small political scandals - things have gotten better over the past year. The democracy experiment in Pakistan continues despite its many flaws but it is the only system that this country needs and the only one that can work in the long run.

To all those naysayers and the predictors of gloom one must point them to the successes of the Military in Swat and Malakand. Just three months back the Taliban were on the verge of entering Islamabad or at least had a substantial hold in the Frontier province. The success of the military has been remarkable. Just compare it to the efforts of much more technological advanced Armies in the neighbouring Afghanistan. Yet, we have hardly heard any words of praise or jubilation from our so called intelligentsia.

Today Pakistan has a feisty press which is a constant thorn in the side of corrupt politicians and imbecile government officials. The Judiciary is free and is playing an active role as a pillar of the state. Both these institutions have gained strength over the course of the year and they keep the executive and legislative branch on their toes. Clearly progress has been made. We just need to stick to our guns and let this system work. We have the capability, we just need belief in ourselves.

Azadi Mubarik

To everyone everywhere. Cherish it with all that you have.