Thursday, April 16, 2009

To friends

I feel anxious, worried, cornered, insecure and lonely. There are people around me - loved ones whose presence should not make me feel like this but i can't help it. I just can't. I just feel that writing these words on this blog and sharing my self to the eyes and minds of strangers would somehow soothe me and it does. So thanks to the audience here. It is not easy for a woman to bare her soul and talk about things and issues which are difficult to talk with even amongst the best of friends.

I fail to understand myself at times. My life is littered with the wrong choices. My emotional and sensitive nature only makes things difficult for me. The sensual and licentious part in me evokes much wilder emotions. The latter only adds to the sexual frustration and general dissatisfaction with life. The fire of lust rages in me and makes me want to step into the forbidden - a line which i have crossed by now yet want to indulge in more. Perhaps, giving in to the delicious temptation is my sin. I know that it is very important to be grateful for what one has but at the same time too much of it could kill the ambition whether in bed or otherwise.

Anyways, this entry is dedicated to all of my readers - strangers and friends.


7 comments:

Mustafa said...

This may sound strange coming from a hedonist and party animal like me -- but have you tried being regular in your prayers and meditating in the monring? It gives immense peace of mind.

Abdul Sami said...

i do know what u mean... and where all that leads...

personally i believe in living it to the full... and that is what i recommend to every one...

decisions you make in your life are your own...

Zia said...

I have been following your blog for a while now. On surface it alternates between the political and the personal, a giveaway for any post colonial culture. Then again, it’s not the political that compels me to come to this blog now and again. It is the personal that is offered in a brutally honest manner. I would admit the insights you have transmitted earlier on managed to make certain …conflicting impressions. There are times the reflections are so frank and immediate that my passive involvement verges on the voyeuristic. Not because the style is licentious. It just seems to strike a strong chord for something primal existing outside the domain of fiction. On the other hand it is the strain of existentialist unhappiness that is universal.

What is clear to me is your style of exorcising your trouble is definitely post-modern. Living in the information age helps. Though I do wonder if the people that get mentioned in your writings do visit your blog? It certainly is not easy you saying what you say here. Nonetheless, you should know, and I hope you already do. You have a talent there and it sure does make an impact.

aasim said...

Zia is right

Aasim said...

Kahan ghaib ho aaj kal?

The Luscious one! said...

@Zia- It was probably the best analysis that anyone has made regarding my writings on this blog. Thanks for all your remarks and good insight.

And no one who gets mentioned in this blog on a personal level knows what i am writing about.

@Asiam - I have been in Dubai. The blog has been updated!

Anonymous said...

I see same old rhetoric is being written time and again. Please offer something new