Thursday, January 8, 2009

Fears

Its late at night and demons come to haunt me. I feel vulnerable as i miss him. I wish he would call but he is probably busy with the whole 'shadi' thing and not missing me as much as i am missing him. The latter is probably where my fears stem from, especially after i read his chat logs which have hurt me so bad.
i feel disturbed. Yet as usual i cannot be articulate in my thoughts. I cannot describe them, mainly because i fail to identify them.

I feel my fears grow since my chat with him. He is bounded by his wife - he genuinely fears her for one reason or the other. Why can't he be like my husband, i ask myself?
I feel scared and fearful about us. This is compounded by the fact that i will be leaving for vacation. During that time, i will feel the misery and loneliness, compounded by the fears of him abandoning me. This is scary and tough and i am entering a new territory of mental and psychological trouble.

7 comments:

Abdul Sami said...

the state of uncertainty... oh how it haunts us all...

my best to u in it... though they often say patience is the key in such matters i have tried it and tested it and jus does not do...

keep on top of it i guess...

warm wishes... xxx

The Luscious one! said...

@A.S - despite everything one must hang in there.

Abdul Sami said...

yes one must

but one must alwys b prepared to run risks as well!

xxx

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

some women are just too controlling i suppose. Or may be he just fears loosing her.

I have blogrolled you :-)

seher's shenanigans said...

my God i truly feel i m being dragged back in time.
i did a somewhat similar post some time ago and i swear it was a bit less hauntin then this one.

can share it if u wanna... but this truly gives that scrunchy feeling!

RoPe said...

what made u change comment moderation ? i guess u r a timid soul :)

Ra said...

I have been following your blog past few days and read from your initial posts (including the ones that you deleted them).

I sense that your living environment in your parental home is nothing different from your married home. By nature you are very sensitive and do not like these turmoils; but did not have a choice. Also you have been longing to be loved and live in a comfort zone. Obviously you found one, but that one has multiple priorities. Sure that makes you say all men are selfish. If only he would have been the one you married, sure yours would have been hit pair.

I liked your poetic style. When I read for the first time, it makes no sense at all. But on reread, each sentence is so power packed. You are doing a good of decorating your thoughts with poetic paradigms. Keep it up!!