Monday, January 5, 2009

A lousy start

I have such a searing headache. I wake up and i just feel lazy and don't feel like doing anything. A state of despondency is misery indeed! I have less than a week to go before i go to visit my parents, and the preparation is so so. After that hubby dear has planned a vacation of sorts. I don't want to mention all the shitty stuff that will happen when i am with either my parents or with husband. It seems like somethings just never change and history is bound to repeat itself again and again.

Husband's attitude with my family has never been good. Somehow they have always bothered him. He is such a traditional person and just loves to be the 'typical' man. At the end of the day, what really frustrates me is that my family does not get the respect that they deserve from him and his family. I don't have a way to express that frustration and rage and that makes things even worse. My in-laws are weird people to say the least. I sometimes think that the whole idea of marriage is as an institution is bankrupt especially in a society such as ours where the woman is supposed to be all compromising.

As frustrated and discontented i am with the whole situation, I also know that somethings never change. i am trying to work on this. I am trying to make myself better off. I am working on being less anxious, more patient about things. I think the change has to come in me if i have to better my life. I believe that you live your life between your ears, more than anything else. How you see the world, and how you filter and respond to the events determine the success and happiness of your life. I need to be more steady in my emotions. I need to avoid being either too happy or too sad. It's a difficult balance to find but i need to find it. This was one of the new year resolutions and i tend to stick to it.

Whenever i write about personal matters, i try not to edit anything. I just post whatever comes in my mind. It is a reflection of my mind, uncensored. Therefore, i apologize if some of the stuff i write sounds incoherent.

11 comments:

Asim Khan said...

Did you ever consider professional help? I can recommend some exellent clinical psychologists. Actually my own area of specialization is quite relevant however I will not give my openion on the subject but I can recommend some serious professionals who cam really help

Abdul Sami said...

its a difficult situation indeed and i kno exactly what u mean... i may not hav been the one to suffer but i hav suffered indirectly because of these issues...

i wish you all the best... and hope for betterment !!!

lov n kisses!

RulzZ said...

r u up for a fling?

The Luscious one! said...

@Asim - Thanks for the offer but i don't think i need any clinical help. At least not as yet. I just need to get my head sorted out and be less sensitive about things.

@AS - Thanks dear

@Rulz - As if i need more complications in my life..

Asim Khan said...

Define fling RULZZ

Merchant of Emotions.. "I don't sell, I barter" said...

You are not the only one dear most of South East Asian women are suffering from this dilemma.

Patience is the key here. I am sure a great person like you can definitely find a middle ground.

I pray that things get better but if they don't there is something good in it from Divine.

Rope said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Karmasura said...

There is too much of load on a woman in a subcontinental marriage (perhaps in other marriages as well, but since I have not lived in other cultures for long.. cannot say). Her position is certainly unenviable.

Wish you luck!!

Asim Khan said...

I have lived long enuff in other cultures and their problems are even more complicated than ours. BTW Luscious how many kids have you got?

The Luscious one! said...

@Asim - In other cultures woman have more freedom which enables them to be more independent.

And one more thing, i don't like to talk about my children on a public blog.

Abdul Sami said...

well i was gonna direct my comment at rope but i hav seen u hav deleted his/her so i guess its fine...

the whole point to bloggin is expressin ur self in whateva way u want... its all about urself... people readin a blog do not get the pleasure as a right... but as an honour...

i jus don see how people jus start criticizin a blog when they themselves r not the best beings in da world !