Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Upset

There has been an extra spring in my step since the vacation. I feel hopeful and motivated about myself and this is why i have been much more involved in my work since i came back.

On the flip side, I am still upset about the recent attitude of my in-laws. They have always seemed 'nice' but since lately there has been a tendency on the part of my father in-law especially to be a little interfering and dominating. Its like he wants to say that he is the boss. I have found it very resentful and maybe frustrating because i have not as yet come up with a way to counter it.

In my own analysis, my problem is that i tend to be very nice with people, maybe because of the insecurity i feel (nice people being nice because of their insecure emotional state?). Because of this goody good behavior i let others dominate me. The way to counter this is not to over react but act mature (define mature, anyone please?). There is a difference between thinking about and planning a course of action and putting it into practice. I am in a fix as to how to best respond to something like this.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh i totally know about trying to be nice to in-laws and trying to stay cool.. when they are driving you nuts.. and dominate you..
your niceness is viewed as your weaknes... :(

AAsim said...

Just be yourself and this is the best policy.

Abdul Sami said...

being nice is different...

jus learn to put yourself first... learn to be selfish... and learn to 'not feel guilty' at being selfish...

its a good way to live...

wish u the best x !

Home said...

u know what u r an asshole abdul sami

Abdul Sami said...

i may be ... but that does not mean that wat i said does not hold any weight !

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

yes ur solution is a good one but at the end of the day in-laws will be in-laws, whether you are a nice person or a bad person, it is bound to happen

good luck

Ash said...

Being nice is a good thing
I am still away from this in-laws thing but in life when some body tries to take my niceness as my weakness, I better make him understand that being nice doesn't mean that I have closed my eyes/senses"
Adapt the way if it’s valid in your scenario too.

Merchant of Emotions.. "I don't sell, I barter" said...

Abdul Sami is very right, be yourself but obviously with respect. I always call Southeast Asian married women selfishly selfish, they are selfish but for their husband their kids etc. they don't really take care of themselves. Sacrifices after sacrifices and then at the end no gains, may be if at all acknowledgment from husband or in-laws late late in life when it does not really matters anymore. Be respectful to in-laws but don't let them take your rights and never let anyone step on your toes. Best of luck

Anonymous said...

In fact, in-laws are out-laws!. In any country. in any community, They must be taight lesson!

Anonymous said...

You should keep this thing in mind that at older age, people become dominating, short-tempered and their nature changes to something that we dislike. I'm taking example of my own parents and my grandfather. I'm 100% sure that the attitude of your father-in-law is not specifically targeted at u that u are his daughter-in-law and he should exploit it. All other people around him may also have noticed his behavior. His friends, colleagues, wife, children etc. The first thing u should do is to forget that he is your father-in-law. Just suppose for a second that he is your own father. How would u react if your father had been trying to be bossy and dominating? I'm giving u my own example that my father is. The first thing I do is that no chance ever comes that he has to show his "power". I try to avoid at all costs. If it's unavoidable, I only ignore & tolerate. In your heart & mind, just don't take seriously whatever he expects or say anything. Crack jokes about him in your mind :D But keep this limited to only your mind. Show them apparently that u are seriously taking his things. At last, remember one thing. You are grown-up and you know very well what is wrong and what is right. Do whatever your feel right and don't do whatever u feel wrong but if there is something wrong and your in-laws feel it's right, don't argue/fight with them but still don't do that thing. Let your creative ideas tell u how u can do that :)